This could be my year.
This could be the beginning of an amazing "Baker's Dozen" years - and that's because, in Dreamspell, I am a Blue Magnetic Hand.
And, because this year, was the end of a 13 year cycle in the Mayan Calendar and the beginning of a new one; and there were eclipses; and the Blue Hand Wavespell began on the Lion's Gate portal; and, because, I sensed it all.
This year, my Galactic Birthday occurred on the very significant date of 8-8.
And because, I made it to my Far North Queensland Retreat.
I made it.
Despite all the years and effort to get here, I really could not have arrived at a better time, could I?
Believe it or not, I do not live my life by astrology; I study many maps and cycles, from Western to Vedic, to Chinese, to Mayan, and numerology, the Gene-keys - and anything else that comes along.
I wander around, experiencing, and documenting - and I've learned a lot about how out of alignment most people are with their egos in the driver's seat, and I've learned a lot about transits, and synchronicity, and "timing" ~ after all, I wrote a book about the non-stop synchronicity I experienced during my Kundalini Awakening that occurred on Christmas Eve, 2006.
July that year was the start of the last 13 Year Cycle.
So, once again, I find myself at "bookends". Gateways. Two-Pillars. 11's.
(this reference comes from my book).
And that's what Blue Hands, do; they "open doors", they open portals, they write, touch, heal, feel, and craft.
They play instruments, and read cards.
They massage, do reiki, and perform Mudras.
So, I'm keeping a diary of this wavespell, because my Journey from Melbourne to Far North Queensland has been more wild than I could have ever imagined.
I can't even remember when the synchronicity began ~ but I got off the train at Cairns, and my seat-mate had suggested the name of a bus service to take me to Port Douglas - my destination.
The day of the Capricorn Full Moon Lunar Eclipse, I got on that bus, and had a fantastic trip - the driver was telling me he got up early to watch it, so I was already enjoying the conversation.
He was very supportive of my journey with no real goal - commenting that he Loved the idea that I was just going there to "feel it out", and see what happens. I was telling him about some loose goal-ideas, like I wanted to get my boat licence, and my pilot's license (and my driver's license!) while I was here, and the next passengers he picked up were two local fishermen. One of them was wearing a cap with a Helicopter company on it, and in the first lull, I said: "Excuse me, I notice your hat says 'helicopter' - are you a pilot?"
He's like, "Yeah."
I said, "Really?!" - in disbelief. In the kind of awe I always have when the Universe plays with me.
He shyly affirmed, and the bus driver exclaimed: "WHAT?! You're freaking me out - " he explained that I was just talking about becoming a pilot.
For a change, he was the one pointing out the phenomena of synchronicity - not me!
(the fisherman/pilot turned out to be the viral sensation, "idiot of the century", where I was able to get his side of the story vs the medias).
I learned a lot about Port Side, and Starboard; Port is Red, and Left, because Port is Red, and: "is there any port left in the bottle?" Starb'd is Green.
The next synchronicity happened when I got to Port Douglas. I settled in, got my bearings, and decided to go for a walk to get my navigation on. I stopped at the front desk for a chat, and directions.
I lightfooted my path forward, at the pace of my own Heart, and I stopped to cross the road. I looked up the Hill to the Four-Mile Beach lookout; I thought about my seat-mate, Maxine, from the train-ride into Cairns, who had told me she walked up and down those steps, like 2000 times once a week, or something; I was thinking: "Wow"... the heat, the incline... I heard a screech, and someone yell out my name: "Mardi!"
"What? Who the f*ck knows me here," I wondered...
It was Maxine!
Just when I was thinking about her!
That made me smile.
Another day, I was meditating out the front of Coral Beach Lodge, where I was staying. This setting-sun was my favourite location; even though it was by the road. I was chanting, and merging with the Sun - I had come here for the Affection of the Sun, and most places with grass were full of people ~ here, there wasn't much people-traffic, just my Hostel-mates.
I couldn't remember the last time I had nothing between me and the earth, no concrete.
I think it was here, that I caught my breath.
I was completely hypnotised by the Magnetism of the Sun, and I was cycling through my Mantras, becoming the charmed-snake of Kundalini.
I was completely softened in Love, and doing Venus Mantra and Mudras, when I heard a little "beep-beep!", and looked around to see the Bus on which I had first arrived; I figured it must have been my Eclipse-Watching Bus Driver. He was a Libra, so I laughed because I was doing Venus Mantra at the time.
Port Douglas is its own story, but Coral Beach Lodge was all booked out longterm, so I could only a stay a week, when I had wanted to stay a month.
I relocated to a Reef Resort for 3 nights, because I wanted to spend the Day Out of Time completely alone, and contemplate my next moves, and my life.
I really didn't know what I wanted; I learned my Heart was Dead in Port Douglas, and I didn't Love anything, anymore.
Nothing that I used to.
I was dead inside.
I learned I had overshot my Jupiter City, and had landed somewhere between Moon square Chiron - my vulnerability was in the spotlight, where I'd hoped to address that in private, in my FNQ retreat.
We all know I have C-PTSD from 30 years of recurring rape-trauma, right?
May as well keep that in the spotlight, where it can dissolve in the sun.
Thanks to #MeToo, the shame is lessened, and the grief, less private.
Mercury was retrograde, so I wasn't fixed on any plans... I looked for something closer to my Jupiter City line, and eventually found somewhere to stay for a month.
I ordered my bus to collect me from the Resort, and drop me nearest to my new place; they didn't do door-to-door because they ran on a schedule; just pick-up and drop-off points between Cairns and Port Douglas and the Daintree.
It was the day after the Day out of Time - and a brand new WHITE WIZARD world - but I didn't know that, yet.
When the bus came, it was the same Bus Driver I'd had on the way; I asked him if he drove every day, and he was like "no," "just three days." He told me he saw me meditating, and beeped - I replied that I had, indeed, seen the bus, and thought that was him.
He was glad to hear he wasn't driving me to the airport, back home, and that my journey hadn't been a failure. He affirmed that I had done what I said I was going to do - feel it out.
He's right, I thought - I did it.
He was basically the narrator of my journey, better than I!
We talked the whole way, and whenever there was synchronicity, he chuckled; we talked extensively about flamingos, and he mentioned his daughter Loves them, had a bedspread... "Me, too!" I shared. "I have a bedspread my friend got me for my birthday, I have a neon Flamingo lamp... cases..." and then I felt embarrassed that I had so much in common with a ten year old. Haha.
I rolled my internal eyes.
I mentioned the time I tried to watch this Flamingo Documentary, and 10 minutes in, I was in tears... because of what nature does to the baby flamingos... sniff*
He was another "bookend", where I met him at the end of the 13 year cycle, and again, on the other side, at the beginning of a new one. Two-Pillars. 11's. A Portal.
He dropped me off, and I made my way to my retreat.
It was way more amazing than I could have imagined, such a hidden gem...
Hugged by a curving Mountain-Range in the West, beside a rushing river, near a lake!
What writer doesn't Love a Lakehouse Retreat.
I felt like I was in a Stephen King novel.
When I finally lay down after 3 weeks of lugging my luggage across the country, my friend text me a video of a baby flamingo, learning to stand on one leg.
She wrote: "Aww... you're a baby Flamingo learning to stand on one leg!"
I laughed and my body shivered with cosmically High Vibrations, and text her back: "Omg! I have been talking about flamingos ALL DAY!"
"Aww... you're a baby flamingo learning to stand on one-leg!"
And it goes on...!
Another friend flew up to see me and stay for a couple of days; she hired a car, so we drove around and got to achieve some goals - like a hand-towel. Honestly, people who drive have *no idea* how long everything takes on foot; a twenty-minute drive? THREE HOURS WALK.
I am so tired of how slowly my physical world moves. The speed of Light is so fast. Astral Travel is so fast. Walking should be a pleasure, not a chore.
I understand I'm Lucky I can walk.
Things could be slower...
We went to the rainforest to look at a rental. The woman was still living there, and at first, was like: "What are you doing here!" - but she was Lovely, and invited us in to look around.
I am so glad we met her.
She was a psychic, a medium, and a visionary artist, and I knew she'd have the same Moon as me, because we had the same taste in houses, and I could feel Uranus square our Moon; the same vibe, the same changes.
She was a Leo Moon-Twin, one degree from mine.
She gave us a mini-reading each, before we left, and she was so accurate - it totally helped me. She guessed I worked online, and that I needed to leave my past behind. Which was exactly why I'd come. To burn it all in the Sun.
I can't wait to see her, again.
My friend and I drove into Cairns, and were headed for dinner and drinks. My friend said we should contact another friend who was up here; but I thought she'd prefer to be left alone.
We were going up to a Blue Place, but next-door, ground-level, was a Pink Place, we preferred.
We wanted the grounding - not the Vata of heights.
We walked into the pink place, still talking about our friend, and SHE WAS RIGHT THERE! With her Mum. Having dinner and drinks. It was a huge commotion, and I heard the mother say: "I wish someone was that happy to see me."
We had an extremely esoteric and magical evening.
Turns out, my friend's mum was a Leo, and her birthday was the 8-8.
The Lion's Gate Portal.
I laughed in the midst of all, and explained to her, "It's so funny, that I came here to be alone, and I end up surrounded by friends."
Neon-Noir Paradise at the Reef Resort, on the Day Out Of Time. I could only take the photo in pitch-black, or the Palm shadows disappeared; I shared it on Twitter, and clicked "auto-fix" - and *this* happened, and my Jaw-Dropped. I Love Neon, and Noir, and Palm Trees... it's *so* Miami Vice. The Magic of a White Wizard cycle.
ALL OF THIS, EVEN BEFORE THE BLUE MAGNETIC HAND WAVESPELL BEGAN!
Definitely connected to the Lion's Gate Portal, which for me, must have been emanating even since mid-July!
Maybe even earlier... WINGS OF DESIRE was on the tv, right before I left Melbourne. Like, literally hours before.
I'd already had an Angelic send-off, that I'll go into more, in Postcards from Paradise.
On my journey, I've even learned more about some of my past-lives; this time, I'm going to keep them to myself.
8-8 - Blue Magnetic Hand
I sunbaked on the 8/8 Lion's Gate & start of the Blue Magnetic Hand Wavespell.
I don't think I knew it was my Wavespell at that time, but I was absorbing the Sun.
I have been dreaming with the Mountain; with my head sleeping in the North, I can feel the magnetic-pull of North, pulling things from my cells.
I wake up, and feel so safe, and so left alone, and I Love it.
No harassment, yelling, or bother.
Just peace, and a cocoon I can actually feel. Hugged by warmth, and blankets - just what I wanted.
I've been dreaming about old friends; it's weird. Literally years of people and memories being pulled out of me.
I texted my friend's mum a Happy Birthday.
Contemplation of the Day 1: How do I call forth the resonance of my true vibration?
9-8 - Yellow Lunar Star
I went for a walk through "Jade Crescent" on the 2nd Day, it was guarded by dogs, that reminded me of a chorus of Sirius, the Dog Star.
It curved around the mountain, with a slight incline, and people had rainforest in their backyards.
It was so beautiful.
I have to wear sunscreen or burn, though.
I wish I didn't have too; I don't want layers between us.
But I've learned my Icarus lessons.
There was a Beautiful Jade Silence between me and the Setting Sun.
Houses told stories, and the odd child rode by on a bike.
I was meant to see Nick Cave, Warren Ellis, and the MSO with a friend in Melbourne, tonight, but passed my ticket onto my mum; it was a sold-out show, and I'm sure it would have been superb.
They sent me a selfie.
Contemplation of the Day 2: What are my relationships teaching me? What are my Obstacles?
10-8 - Red Electric Moon
I've been working on my website, and branding on Pinterest.
I've been making matching covers for my boards, that remind me of smokey-jazz, and stormy-blue.
I hate Suckerberg, so I have to learn to use the entire internet to reach my people.
I'm glad, that after the infinite possibilities of creativity, I have sort of settled on a design - finally!
My mum wanted some selfies of me with the mountains - but I don't do them, due to my dysmorphia, or because I don't like them; I always look traumatised.
See, here's one I call "Sad Old Dog".
An empath would know.
And I live in that light.
I also don't like to walk around like a tourist, taking pictures; it's really not my thing. I like to be alone and present with the world, and the moment.
Today I wonder if I'm allergic to sunscreen; the sun; or if it's something else - I've had an "adult acne outbreak"; they are really starting to disturb me. Whatever it is can't be normal.
Maybe everyone thinks I'm a teenager because of my troubled, teenage skin.
A few years ago, I got asked for ID at that supermarket - I burst out laughing in her face.
After 5 years of seeing my doctor every two weeks, I'm trying not to need her; I never used to need anyone or anything. Trauma changes that.
Invincible soul, vincible body.
I'm counting on the Sun, and the Sea - although, I haven't communed with the sea, yet, due to CROCODILES.
Contemplation of the Day 3: How does my creativity express my spiritual journey?
11-8 - White Self-Existing Dog
Today I met the young woman who owns this place; she was doing some gardening. She was bright, and friendly, and we joked about how her 2 hour bush walk turned into an 8 hour LOST, and I talked about how I MUST learn to drive.
We talked about crystals, and commiserated on hard-times.
We agree that the area here is beautiful.
Later, Pulp Fiction was on tv, and it's really such a great movie... I feel really conflicted about watching the new one, post-#MeToo. I used to Love that culture ~ but now, I don't want to support men in Hollywood who've hurt women. I know Uma's over it, but I'm not sure I am.
I don't know what I Love, anymore.
I spent the whole trying to share my Journey.
It's so epic, it ended up needing three-parts, and isn't entirely finished, yet - although I did get a lot out.
Contemplation of the Day 4: What form will my Spiritual Journey take?
12-8 - Blue Overtone Monkey
Today a new guest arrived; she's staying in her caravan out the front, though.
The first thing I noticed when I went to the sink and kitchen window, was the brand WINDSOR on her caravan; I laughed, because that's where I'm from.
"What is my home doing here?!"
I went for a walk before the Sun fell behind the mountain.
I try to keep my terror on the backburner; if I ignore it, it might fade in the light. I walked through the reserve, a new journey for me - more dogs, and children flying over dirt-mounds on bikes. It reminded me of when I used to do that, at Windsor Siding, when I was a kid; I enjoyed it. One time, I couldn't make it up a ramp. That hurt.
When I returned, I chatted with the new guest. She was a silver medalist Olympic Diver. And she Loves Mangoes.
Turns out her dad owned my local pool for 30 years; she was from Darwin, but lived in Melbourne a lot.
I told her I laughed when I saw her van, today.
She told me her Mango synchronicity story, and pointed out the mango trees around us - I'd never seen them before, so didn't know what they looked like; they'll fruit in Summer, I think.
She couldn't believe my age, either, and also thought I'd fashioned a silver streak into my hair.
Contemplation of the Day 5: What is my core purpose?
13-8 - Yellow Rhythmic Human
I haven't being sleeping properly, and went through a phase of waking up at *exactly* 1:47pm.
Today is the first day I was able to stay awake *past* then; but not all the way. Hopefully I can sleep tonight, and wake up during the day tomorrow.
I had a 2 or 3 hour nap, and woke up around 6pm.
I've never had a coldsore, before - but I think I got one today. I guess time will tell what it is.
Whatever it is, I treated it with a blend of essential oils and colloidal silver.
My nanna always tried to protect me from them, and I've lived almost 40 years without them. My doctor once said it was more normal to have them, than not; most people have them.
I've always been the *most* Virgo about hygiene; I wipe every utensil and crockery before I use it. It's an automatic habit.
I don't share drinks, and I always used to over-wash my hands.
That's why rape has always sucked, and been so violent, and such a violation.
When I first developed cptsd, I thought I had syphilis; my hair was falling out, and I was going mad. It seemed only logical.
But panic and paranoia are part of ptsd, too. I didn't have syphilis.
It's almost like... the only way to get people to respect your boundaries, is to *be* infected.
Even then, I've known plenty of people who like to take you down with them.
There was *no way* I was able to integrate the possibility of any STD, or being scarred or marked for life. Anything that felt like being branded.
I actually left my body at the thought of it.
Today, I've been thinking about it, again.
With time, and distance, I don't quite leave my body, and today's contemplation about has me thinking about how much I've been invaded by the masculine - simply for being a girl, and a woman.
My personal yin and yang would be more balanced if I could drive. Independence, freedom. Accomplishing much more in less time.
My own Mars is in Cancer - which is not very masculine. In the 8th House, square Pluto. It's a very underworld, underwater-Mars. Which, for a fiery, yang-planet, is not so comfortable.
Feeling scarred, and branded-for-life today, means I'm not feeling very outdoorsy.
I have to wait (yin) until I heal and become strong, before I can get my driving (yang) lessons.
I need to identify what makes me feel like an adult (The Sun Part III).
My old social worker once told me that asking for help when you need it is adult; that it's taking responsibility.
I mean, I've done that in the past, and in the words of Lana Del Rey: "Everybody told me No..."
So I could continue asking, or just write a song about it.
Taking care of health and the body makes me feel adult; but when you can't ever win, it feels futile.
I need to find another feeling.
I made my super-sleep tea, and will take 2 of my lavender chill pills; hopefully that will let me sleep through the night.
Hoarder's was on before the X-Files, and I must say, it's way more horrifying than any scary movie.
Ironically, I've seen Hoarder's maybe just once before, and *this* episode was the *exact same one* I'd seen last time.
I just don't understand it; their spouses and children suffer the most - it's so sad to see it on their faces. One guy couldn't let go, and he was really irritating the daughter - and me - and his wife ended up having a Heart Attack.
I kept wondering in keywords, like, "control", "unrealised dreams", "sickness".
The other couple... the wife was the hoarder. I only saw him later, and there was just *so much sadness* - it had changed his face.
Their kids had been taken off them; the house was that bad.
She went through the process, and ended up with 1,400 boxes in storage.
6 months later, unconvinced, they didn't give back the children, and this couple divorced.
The dad got temporary custody of the son.
It is *so* unhealthy.
I wondered if, in a past-life, they were a collecting, hoarding, storing, cave-dwelling creature, of some kind.
Their habits are not so logical.
I know a hoarder; I knew of three. 2 of them had kept dead pets in the freezer, one bird for 5 Years, one cat for 18.
They cannot have a discussion about it.
They revert to immaturity, and deflection.
Sometimes anger, aggression, violence, in the men.
I wonder if it's a Virgo Moon problem; the inability to be an effective digestive system. Being unable to sort through what is nutritious, and what is waste/junk.
A couple moved into the other room, today; a nice reflection of the energy of the day.
This house is getting full; two caravans out the front, 3 bedrooms inside. 6 of us, and the cat.
6 is the number of the day...!
I have to tell you about the Gecko...
Contemplation of the Day 6: How do I balance the Male and Female energies within myself in order to bring Heaven to Earth?
14-8 - Red Resonant Skywalker
Going for a walk...
On my walk, I thought I should take you with me! But I've never made a video, before.
While I sat at the Lake, I thought I would take you for a walk, next time, and film the Lake for you, instead!
That magnificent tree, at the start, reminded me of Standing in the Light of Full Mystical Power.
The video was in a cloudy moment (my first vid, so wasn't planned; it was actually quite sunny, sometimes. Pretty.)
Contemplation of the Day 7: What can I do to stand in the light of my full mystical power?
15-8 - White Galactic Wizard
Taking pictures and videos, yesterday, I learned my phone memory is full. Last night I started to transfer them all to a cloud - I passed out, confused.
I was going to sunbake, today, or go into the city - but there's no sun, today.
Also, I woke up too early - 5-30am, despite forcing myself not to sleep too early!
So, today is a day of organisation and behind the screens activity; the Moon is Full in Aquarius. It's the 5 year Anniversary of "The Robin William's Moon".
The Moon that nearly killed me, too.
I've almost started to work, again, on the things I was working on, back then.
My mind is churning out the fragments, so I just go with it.
I'm revisiting a book I was trying to write about the effects of sexual abuse.
- it was going to be so thorough, and rich, because I was so sharp, then.
I'm not sure what to expect, now.
Luckily, the #MeToo event occurred, so I feel like I'm not alone with the huge task of rerouting sexual education.
I was also going to write an article about how my old school is closing down - and so it should; these parts of the world need to die.
I think I can just keep writing, sharing, and illuminating; pointing out the magic and the patterns that are High Vibration (Golden Octave) initiations, and tap into them.
I can embody it; we all can - it's a White Wizard Cycle!
For the next 13 Years.
Oh; and I decided to Upgrade my Online Astro Club into the new era, too.
Contemplation Day 8: How do I resonate harmoniously with the new Golden Octave? (the new energy on earth)
16-8 - Blue Solar Eagle
Today has been all about Venus, for some reason.
Perhaps because Venus is conjunct the Leo Sun.
Last night, I fell asleep listening to these Tibetan Healing Mantras.
An interesting thing occurred while I was in the inbetween, I felt the laying on of hands, acupuncture, and other phenomenon; namely, I felt pieces of "seashells" being removed from my back. I didn't understand what it meant, and thought it might be symbolic of shards of etheric calcification being dissolved, or removed, from my aura; a softening.
Today, when I looked at the video, I saw the Symbol of the Healing Mantras on the video looked like a conch shell.
I also thought it might be time to write some articles about Dharma, that I've been meaning to write.
That's very "Shining the Light".
So it looks like, again, writing, sharing, teaching, and illuminating online, is just something that I can do to switch the Light on, in the Kali Yuga.
I think I might make a cup of my Venus Tea, tonight; celebrate alignment, and ritual, and the spotlight on Venus.
(I just looked up the conch shell in Buddhism, and it relates to Dharma; I'd say Dharma is the Light of the Day.)
What; lol - it's 4am, and I'm laughing in bed... BECAUSE:
It's Blue Solar Eagle, today, and last night, a new friend had been posting about the "Bluebird of Happiness".
So I shared the 1940 Shirley Temple Film that I Love.
I didn't think about Blue Eagle, at all.
Then tonight, I watched "The Bluebird"; subconsciously I must have known something.
But then (and it's probably algorithms), on Twitter (home of the Blue Bird!), I saw this post, about poet, Charles Bukowski's 99th Birthday, and they shared his poem: "The Bluebird".
Then it occurred to me, that today was the Blue Solar Eagle day! So I had to share...
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
stay down, do you want to mess
you want to screw up the
you want to blow my book sales in
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
and we sleep together like
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
Contemplation Day 9: How do I shine the light for others?
17-8 - Yellow Planetary Warrior
Well, if it's not yet clear or obvious, the theme of this season is the death of my Heart, and my desire - undoubtedly due to trauma. I can't pretend I enjoy earth. I force myself to find moments; and I am blessed with the Universal Language of Synchronicity that affirms we are all connected.
So why doesn't everybody else know that?
I am also blessed to have friends who do know that.
Today's Synchronicity came when I least expected it; I'm merely the narrator.
I was winding down, and learned that Peter Fonda had died.
Quentin Tarantino has been on SBS, all week, sharing his favourite film picks from the "swingin' 60's", in honour of his new movie, "Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood".
(You might recall I feel torn about watching it in a post-#MeToo world, because of how he treated Uma Thurman, even though it's a cinema-culture I Love. Or Loved.)
I happened to watch Easy Rider, on the 14th.
Then, today - like most days - I've been listening to one of Lana Del Rey's Unreleased tracks: "Angels Forever, Forever Angels".
I always get these lyrics, swooning in my head:
"Is the Sun in your eyes,
Some keywords or themes that stand out, include: Freedom... Driving... Riding... Quentin's film culture... Lana... Hollywood... The Spiritual Revolution of the 60's.
Bukowski and Fonda both having Virgo Moons.
Fonda being a Pisces; and that he says so in Easy Rider.
One of my favourite films with him in it, is Nadja.
An emo-arthouse vampire-flick from the 90's.
At the end of the article about Peter Fonda, they wrote:
"...forever an elegant rebel, happy in the now."
And that is the entire message in Shirley Temple's The Bluebird.
The world wide web connects us all; what do we do with that?
Other conversations today, include the death of creativity in so many people we know due to the forced needs of survival, or escape from reality, and about the corruption of government that we are all prisoners of, and how it won't change until people first accept it as a reality.
We are not free.
All we can do is create inside these man-made lines.
If we colour outside the lines, we literally get imprisoned, or murdered.
People get imprisoned and murdered for no reason, as it is.
Except for the sickness of society and abuses of power.
I Love Creators.
Contemplation Day 10: What does my heart desire to manifest? (in western astrology this day matches your 10th house/MC in your chart. Calling/Life Objective made real)
18-8 - Red Spectral Earth
Today is a day for observing; not leaving the present moment, not "tuning-in" to relationship drama, shopping lists, past or future.
I don't feel like writing, when trying to maintain Zen in Samsara.
Unless we are blessed to be in a Monastery, surrounded by the humourous routine of humanness, and conscious, kindred souls, we are in relationship with Samsara, and its unconscious inhabitants, who are constantly clawing at you - whether figuratively or literally.
Is it possible to stay meditative, Zen, and transcendent when someone is bashing you in the head, raping you, or violating your body or temple in some way?
With the right training, you can become bullet-proof.
I was working diligently on that in my mid-20's, before I was metaphysically destroyed by rape.
And before homelessness; because I don't have a monastery.
But I have become afraid of being too luminous, and standing out to hunters.
Luminous Men are looked to for Guidance; respected, admired, envied.
They are mostly left alone, aside from adoration.
Luminous Women are extinguished.
I'm undecided about whether I want to become bullet-proof, anymore, or not; I'm doing Sun Salutations, and that is enough right now.
Obviously, I have come here to let go of my past and the violence of the world trapped in my body; I'm doing what I can, and I take comfort in Thich Nhat Hanh.
He knows what's going on.
I took a terrible photo of a beautiful moon; my paradise.
Otherwise, I am in a Samsara-fuelled personal crisis; again, ongoing.
I just want to be left alone - and drive.
I'd have liked to be a free-energy engineer, creating super-hot enviro-friendly cars; maybe teleporters, or space-ships.
Pimp My Ride used to be my favourite show.
What I thought was a cold-sore the other day, maybe wasn't - it faded in two days.
I've had my personal belongings in storage since 2011, on and off.
I've been homeless since then, on and off.
I lost my record collection, and various other cultural and artistic artefacts.
Items in storage include movies, art supplies, a sewing machine.
Bed linen, and whatever books I have left.
Maybe some clothes and shoes - but do they even suit me, anymore?
A couple of useful furniture items.
TV, guitar - I lost the piano.
I shared this, today; I haven't read it, because I don't like to revisit these memories, but I wrote it right before I had my breakdown, I think; there's a picture of me, with thinning hair, about to "not make it".
No; everything will not be ok.
But the scenery might get better.
Contemplation Day 11: What do I need to let go of in order to be truly liberated?
(everyone and everything?!)
Expectation, unconscious human relationships - they are bondage.
Fear is realistic; learned. It's a new skill.
19-8 - White Crystal Mirror
HAPPY GALACTIC BIRTHDAY TO TRACEY!
I've entered a Yin phase, after winding down this wavespell.
I know myself, and that makes relationships easy for me; easy to be truthful, and real, and shatter all illusions - but not a lot of people like that!
Only warriors of truth and revolutionaries appreciate it.
From the gecko story, I learned not everyone will say no; you just have to ask 100 times to find one 'yes'.
Contemplation Day 12: How can I utilize my relationships to explore and expand any of my self-limiting constructs? ...and how do I Inspire Co-operation?
20-8 - Blue Cosmic Storm
The summary of this wavespell illuminates my pressing need to drive... it's been a long-overdue need, and I'm not used to 'needing' anything (bar the basics, like air, water, and food).
My key revelation come from opening my body everyday to Sun Salutations, and that keyword is 'OPEN' - the warmth makes it easier.
Open up, again, to the current, but beware of predators, because they are everywhere.
I'd also really like to catch up with Susanna Isabella, the Medium, before I have to return to Melbourne.
It's been a wild ride.
Contemplations Day 13: How do I surrender to the perfection of the larger pattern of my Essence Self?