HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you celebrated the Mayan Day Out of Time on July 25th, and the Rising of Sirius and the Sun, together, and the beginning of an entirely new 13-YEAR Cycle in the Mayan Calendar:
THE CYCLE OF THE WHITE WIZARD
...and then you celebrated the Lion's Gate Portal, peaking on 8-8, which began the Wavespell of the BLUE MAGNETIC HAND, 2019
And this year, I could sense it...
HAPPY NEW 13 YEARS!
This End-and-Beginning was also dramatically aligned with this season's eclipses, on the Cancer/Capricorn axis.
There's been a rumbling...
This rumbling has been changing the landscapes of our home and work-life, highlighting the relationship between our childhood and adulthood, and whether our insides match our outsides.
These themes vary, depending on:
1) whether they aspected your chart sharply
2) which houses and axis are highlighted
3) how connected or disconnected you are to others, your destiny, or your self
First of all, I'd like to mention, that Once Upon A Time... when the internet first began (well, websites) my favourite website was by a woman named Tracey Gendron,
I followed her for a long time, and she became like a celebrity to me. She was so interesting, and so generous - she brought the Light and the Love before it was hip.
Her vibe was awesome!
She was my go-to source for Mayan Astrology, which I was just learning about.
She had photos, esoterica, recipes, holistic healing and cleanses, wild stories - and astrology!
Her website was a wonderland...
~ Tracey Gendron
So, in around 2009, facebook came along, and at the time, Tracey and I had under 100 friends each; I had no friends on there I didn't actually know in real life, and neither did she.
She had opened a page or a group that connected to her website (a pioneer of 'valuable fb groups'!).
I eventually sent her a message saying I LOVE her website, and I'd Love to be her friend, but that it was cool if she only wanted people she knew on there.
Tracey was very polite, and a bit hesitant, if I remember, rightly, but we became friends, and eventually learned we had a lot in common; even our charts were similar!
We were Twin Leo Moons, and heavy on Virgo and Sagittarius.
And she was CANADIAN!
I always *Love* Canadians.
Both our profiles eventually grew to around 3,000 friends - all Spiritually Enlightened, curious, esoteric, astrologically-inclined beings of Love and Light, from allll over the world... maybe even the Universe!
Our spiritual communities grew and expanded, and many of my global friends felt so grateful to have found others just like them - real magical people, who were different from most of the people in their lives.
I was lucky that I had a few real-life magic friends - some people mentioned that where they were, no-one was like them.
From witches, and wizards, to psychics, empaths, tantrikas, goddesses, gurus, and surprises...
(there were also plenty of posers, charlatans, ego-maniacs, and predators - to be real!)
Gradually, Trolls and darkness (and American politics) began to infect the platform and user experience, so we all really started to take sanctuary in private groups of like-minded others, and fb friend "culling"; the platform made this so difficult to do - instead of seeing a long list of friends at a time, you could only see about six at once! I once tried to create an event to invite people to unfriend me if we were not longer compatible - but then the platform made it so you could only invite 300 people at a time; I got up to about the Letter C.
I've always valued quality friendships over quantity.
And I have no problem with different views and opinions; I find them enriching and challenging, and often - that through intelligent conversations - they can lead to revelations and illumination.
Some real-life friends who read my post-threads, often mentioned that they seemed like a forum for open discussion; they Loved to read them, even without commenting or 'liking'.
As an empath, once Suckerberg began interfering with algorithms, emotional manipulation, and organic synchronicity, I felt the Field of Illumination become infected with something I can't or won't describe.
I closed my computer, immediately, and in April, 2018, I quit using facebook, after using it everyday, for 9 years.
It was like a full-time job, without the pay.
I miss my friends, and communities, but my work with Human Liberation is too important to be censored or interfered with.
Especially in a post-#MeToo society.
Since then, I've grown up, and have created a new online-home for myself by building my own website, and a private, companion-group I call Paradise City.
The internet is an amazing tool, if we can learn to use it effectively - without being censored, silenced, banned, policed, distracted, manipulated, or controlled.
Psychological Warfare has been waged against humanity through the mediums of Hollywood and the media, since it began; social media changes - and can change, direct, and redirect - the cultural narrative, but organised manipulation, through the internet, has deliberately fed the worst qualities of humans, and allowed it to grow - dangerously - into the world.
Native Americans called it Wetiko.
Five months after leaving facebook, I realised it was like leaving a cult - and I should know; I've left one, before!
In the Age of Psychological Warfare, real Soul and Psychic Healers need to unite in power and bring clarity to their communities.
Real, holistic health is needed to heal and unify the fragmented mental, soulful, and sexual selves, and to not be afraid of the darkness in the world, in our pasts, or in our psyches.
We can bring the Sun.
After the #MeToo event, my online work changed.
I felt so vindicated, I can't tell you; I experienced mass soul-retrieval.
I still haven't even finished writing my posts about it!
It was an Illuminated Galactic Centre event.
Before it happened, the prevalence of rape in society had made itself my job to bring awareness to it, until it was no longer acceptable to society, as a whole - and I supported and magnified the voices of every woman I found who was being ignored, or worse - silenced.
Post-#MeToo, everyone has got this.
We've all got this.
We can take turns, we can take breaks, we can work circularly.
So for the first time in a long time, I could take a break.
I could take a journey.
Out of the shadows, and into The Sun.
The Sun - Part II
On my journey, it occurred to me that I'd never been on a journey.
I'd travelled with others, and had some fun times; but that's not what my soul had been craving.
All the details are in my soon-to-be post, "Postcards From Paradise".
I had been trying to go on a Journey to my Astrological "Jupiter City", for a long time.
From Melbourne to Far North Queensland.
I wanted to drive - Roadtrip! Yaaaay... and I wanted to make an "Astrological Roadtrip Documentary" during my last Jupiter Return; which occur every 12 years.
But that didn't happen.
For some reason, I've experienced a lot of trauma; like, a lot. Thirty years of recurring rape, sexual abuse, and harassment, and about 10 years of homelessness. Not to mention the loss and the grief that comes with a long Neptune Transit; losing a lot of important people to heroin, schizophrenia, and other various escapist tendencies.
I felt it was imperative that I leave living in Neptune Rising; which is conjunct my AC.
It will be with me everywhere, just as Jupiter City will, too, since I have that conjunct my MC.
But I wanted to emphasise something else for a change; more Jupiter, less Neptune.
So, FF>> through unrelenting traumas, one after the other; I might start to believe that I am being targeted, in some way...!
I spend my 35th Birthday in a women's shelter, having a nervous-system breakdown or something... and that's really the end of me.
Invincible Soul, Vincible Body.
I end up with C-PTSD; which is layers of PTSD, all tangled together into its own diagnosis.
I never would have shared most of my stories, if it weren't for #MeToo.
Not because I don't want to, but because men tell me to shut up.
Like how, one day, I accidentally learned that my last rapist had made a roadtrip-documentary - and my jaw dropped, as I saw him living my dream. I couldn't help but think: "...that's where my dream went."
And then I cried for two weeks, and binge-watched HEROES while I was house-sitting with two heavy dogs that Loved to squash me. I liked having extra Heartbeats, to keep mine ticking while I didn't have the effort.
(I also just saw that it's the 5 year anniversary of Robin William's death. That means, that at the time of this writing, it is also the 5 year anniversary of my breakdown. I remember it well, as a defining moment of my adult-life. It was a Full Moon in Aquarius, at 18 degrees, which is a very potent-point in my chart; I call it: "multi-ball". I think Jupiter was transiting my Moon in Leo. So it's been 5 Suns since that happened.)
Since that diagnosis, I have had to reconcile what it means to be both Traumatised and Enlightened. This is a big subject, all of its own, but just today I was listening to Guru Rusty and Marianne Williamson in "Under the Skin". Russell Brand had once asked twitter who we wanted him to interview, and among others - like Jim Carrey - I had asked for this.
The Leo Sun and Venus are trine my Sagittarius Neptune and AC, today; so "Good Neptune" is highlighted, for a change...
Much to my delight, there was treasure in there for me, as they discussed being both enlightened and traumatised. Rusty pointed out that after devoting his life to living his truth, every day, he ended up having a Mental Breakdown; so how could he help others, when he's capable of breakdowns, and road-rage, and how - when putting your TRUTH out there - you get attacked, so viciously.
I had a moment of clarity where The Paradox revealed itself to me, again; being a human character, in the story of life, and being your Illumined Soul at the same time.
Ideally we'd like to live in alignment with our humanity and our divinity, but the world is so dark, and unreceptive, it won't let you. It attacks anything "too shiny".
So unless you're living on a mountain, and the tyrants aren't coming for you, you are part of the human family; and all the drama of Samsara that it brings.
This is the Kali Yuga, after all.
Marianne said something about the state of the world we're living in; "These are sobering times...".
She said something like: "If you're not depressed, what are you?!"
~ Krishnamurti ~
Living in a post-#MeToo world is still surreal - we've only just begun to shine a light on the darkest corners of human behaviour; the abuse, the inequality, and the perpetuation of systems that are not in the best interests of the people.
Wasn't I surprised when Jeffery Epstein was arrested.
Wasn't I NOT surprised when he was, no doubt, assassinated, in custody.
Being a Tantric Priestess - or Dakini - tends to mean that my personal problems, are actually world problems; I am not separate from the fate of the world.
I find this, often, particularly with people who have an Outer Planet on their Ascendant, and sometimes, conjunct a Inner Planet.
All tragedy that befalls them, is the cry of the world.
Rape and homelessness are not just personal problems, they are SYSTEMIC PROBLEMS.
I did have a conversation with one of my social workers, once, about how... sometimes, trauma - like a car crash - comes along in someone's life, and "wakes them up" to their purpose.
Changes their whole life, outlook, and reason for being; they stop living small, and selfishly, and start living with meaning and... purpose.
But what if you're already awake, and then trauma comes?
There is nothing to wake up - only to destroy.
I feel like a naive Angel who was pulled down from my perch, and shredded by the claws of an angry mob.
I now see humanity for what it really is.
But Guru Rusty said something else, too, about how he believes in humanity; how most people are nice, and kind, and Loving, and want the best for everyone
Over time, curled up in foetal position, my body has become the reflection of trauma and related illnesses, and in many ways, looks unLoved.
To me, at least.
Feels unLoved, despite all I have tried to do to stay alive.
I need a consistent Sun. A two-year sweat-lodge.
No one sees what I see.
On my journey, so far, I've encountered many people who think, on average, that I'm in my mid-twenties.
I have mixed feelings about that, because it contributes to my dysmorphia.
It makes me feel awkward; like a chameleon, or a liar. I feel underdeveloped, and vulnerable. Immature.
But as well, Dakinis are often shapeshifters; playful and baby-buddha like, intimidating, fierce, and scary. Depends on her mood, I guess... so in that way, my eternal soul is shining through, and I am both Ancient, and Brand New in every moment.
Sagittarius and Gemini are often eternally youthful types, as well.
But another thing, is ageism - what's it all about? Should I be ashamed about ageing, but not appearing to age? Should I be ashamed to appear to be ageing, with time, and Solar Cycles...?
My mum once said that she thought she'd be fine with ageing, but that turning grey felt like you were "fading away as a person".
She always looks so put together.
I woke up one day, when I was 26, with a "Shock-White" streak in my hair, after a trauma, so for years I've had people suggest to me that I could dye it.
Then it came to be "in fashion", and many people commented, Loved it, and often thought I had it done, on purpose.
I think I am indifferent to it; if i dye it, will I feel like a lie? I'll have to keep dying it, once I start... I don't know if I have the energy for that, and most importantly, I don't actually want to be "attractive" - as a multiple rape victim, you learn not to shine too much. You might be hunted. To death.
I'm almost a month away from my next Solar Return, and I'll be 40.
If the Kardashian's can do it, so can I, right?
I've recently found a few white hairs in my eyebrows, and after never having acne, I now have "adult acne" - which no one ever warned me about. I've had PCOS since I was 21; while it comes with its own problems, I think it kept my skin clear. But age, and hormones, changes things that I'm no expert on, yet - going through it all for the first time.
Ageing is a Privilege Denied to Many
I came to Far North Queensland, for the Affection of the Sun.
Affection and Quality Time are my Love Languages.
I know what my body needed - but it was impossible to have.
I need warmth and glitter in the night-air...
Cold keeps the trauma contracted in the cells.
Warmth expands, and dissolves - I hope.
Part of my new routine, up here, as close to the Sun as I can get, is to do "Sun Salutations" Yoga, every day.
I need to bring it in to my body.
The Solar Power.
The Sun - Part III