Why don’t men understand sexual abuse?
Because they don’t know how to listen.
Listening is a receptive quality that is usually attributed to females.
The “Yin” factor.
Receptivity has depth; it is in communion with all that is, and can draw from the pools of collective consciousness – depending on how far home you want to go.
This, is a man’s world.
Girls have been conditioned and groomed to be receptive; to be obedient.
To a male-god.
And to allll His representatives:
To the “man of the house”.
To the male-authorities in the community she grew up in – teachers; priests; government; business-men who control the money she’ll someday need to rent a house on stolen land.
– the primary reason prostitution of all sorts even exists.
But Life is Tantra; it is the exchange of yang (penetration) and yin (receptivity), forever.
When women express their natural yang nature, they are silenced by men; beaten into submission; called names; abused; locked-away – and yes: even murdered.
For daring to SPEAK her unscripted mind that does not say the words he wants to hear.
That’s why I write; from behind the safety of my computer screen, where I can express myself without being interrupted. talked-over, silenced, or abused.
Being receptive, I’ve noticed a trend around “men” on the internet, over this HW exposé: men do not understand sexual abuse.
“Why didn’t she DO this?”
“Why didn’t she DO that?”
To “Do” is yang.
She is not allowed to be yang.
She is only allowed to be submissive, obedient, and to act in accordance with his vision: The Male Gaze.
She lives in fear of being murdered.
And that is what men don’t understand about “coercion“; she is afraid.
Fight, flight, FREEZE.
She is threatened, bullied, harassed, manipulated, or held-captive until he gets what he wants.
The hell of staying with him a minute longer is shortened by surrendering sooner.
Playing dead may just save your life.
Not only do these men not understand sexual abuse; they don’t know how to listen when the generous women of the internet take valuable and precious time out of their lives to school them.
Thank you, Ladies!
(And thank you to my bros who know I’m tired, and who understand that men don’t/can’t/won’t listen to women, and who educate the dinosaurs that still live amongst us… I feel excited to be alive to see these subtle changes grace our modern-days; to see the voice of men rising on behalf of women. Without having to ask.)
James Van Der Beek, of Dawson’s Creek fame, knows all too well what it feels like to be sexually harassed by older, powerful men in Hollywood:
If Hollywood is owned by men, it is their visions, fantasies, stories, and animas that have penetrated our psyches: what we think might be women, might actually be just male-fantasy…
They highjacked the Dreamtime, and implanted it with nightmares.
The actresses who bring these female-characters to life weren’t counting on the one-dimensional perception of mankind through the lens of storytelling – she understands layers, and body-language, and pregnant silences. The average man does not.
But girls usually don’t realise this until they become women.
Sometime around the age of 30 (post-Saturn Return).
On my 30th Birthday, I looked around in horror as I realised:
“Oh my god; I’m older than every man on the planet.”
And I finally understood that “look” I’d seen in the eyes of women older than me.
Now: everyone is different. Generations are different. Times are different.
Joan Collins had to marry her rapist.
Sarah Polley comments this:
What else are we turning a blind eye to, in all aspects of our lives? What else have we accepted that, somewhere within us, we know is deeply unacceptable? And what now will we do about it?
Emma Thompson says:
We’ve ALL had these experiences. I spent my 20’s trying to get old men’s tongues out of my throat.
Some girls can totally kick-ass – these might be girls with a strong Mars, or strong Fire-Signs and aspects in their charts.
Most girls come from families where the men in their lives treat them like people: they do not yet know they are in for a life of sexual-abuse and assault “out there”.
They’re friendly, equal.
Some girls, have brothers that protect them, or teach them to fight just by growing up together.
Some girls are warned by their fathers to “watch out” for outside men.
These girls are lucky. And so are the boys. Family gives them foundation and context for the world.
Some girls are not so lucky to be born into a Loving family: they are born into abuse.
Sexually abused by their fathers, grandfathers, brothers, uncles, and “family friends”.
Those girls have to grow up in his house.
Be forced to Love him; feel confused.
See him every day.
Pose for family photos.
I know a girl who dated her rapist for two years, after the incident.
Another, for 7 months.
Most of the time, it’s not strangers that rape you: imagine how safe that feels.
So why is Rose in a photo with HW, after?
She’s an actress. A professional. At the time of this photo, I believe she was engaged to RR.
Just ‘guessing’… I might surmise her fiancé had assured her he’d “be right there”, “nothing will happen”, “we’re in a public place”. Maybe she felt invincible, that day. Loved.
“My ex sold our movie to my rapist.”
I can imagine the sting of that betrayal.
Sometimes, it can take a while for a woman to register abuse; or even worse: to be affected by it.
Childhood memories may not surface until an older age.
Maybe the last – or latest – rape or assault is the straw that broke the camel’s back; after 30 years of sexual abuse and assault, see how nice you become.
People have told me they like me “better, before”.
Well guess what: I liked me, too.
I cannot BELIEVE the amount of abuse I have had to integrate and recover from; instead of having a life.
And every time I think it’s time to start again, I get interrupted by the Darkness of Man.
It takes an army of women to be heard.
And I feel somewhat Heartened by this whole Hollywood catching of a Big Fish…
Hollywood holds the collective-consciousness of the majority of the world.
These brave women have changed something.
– can you believe how long it took for anyone to even bring-up the word: JAIL?!
I hear he plans to “run to Europe” for rehab – before he’s put behind bars, don’t you think?
No-one wants to be renown for being a rape-victim – the shame is extinguishing.
It humiliates you until you shrink.
Become removed from the time-stream; never catching up to yourself.
Becoming brain-damaged and growth-retarded.
Most girls with behavioural problems have suffered abuse, and tried to bury it.
The PSTD destroys your health.
(Comedy/Tragedy are the twin-flames of storytelling.)
I have collected my courage from the various women who have spoken-out, over the years: Tara Moss, Pamela Anderson, and all the women in the powerful documentary, “Brave Miss World”, by Linor Abargil.
The one time I did find my voice, to write a poem about it, was because I had felt what it might feel like for someone to have my back in Love.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu
Present Day, I don’t feel so alone now that it’s in the spotlight…
I’m pretty sure women of the world would all much rather be following our dreams, chasing our goals, crafting our inventions, and writing and directing the movies and screenplays that carry the messages we so wanted to tell.
But, we don’t get to have a life.
We have to fight a never-ending war on sexual abuse, while men get to do whatever they want.
Our lives are interrupted. By male-violence. Injustice. Horror. Shock. Disbelief. And PTSD.
Sometimes, we get murdered; instantly, or slowly.
They say: “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.”
When your life is interrupted, and/or darkened, you can see CLEARLY what is wrong with the world.
You are taking part of someone’s soul. It’s happened to me. It alters the course of your life; it’s altered the course of my life. ~ Rose McGowan
Mine too, Rose. Mine too.
*~ GROUP-HUG ~* to anyone who has suffered abuse at the hands of men.
I celebrate this moment, where a spotlight has been shone on a collective-shadow.
Thanks to the #RoseArmy and all the women who spoke out, speak up, and won’t shut-up until justice reigns on earth.