I originally shared this excerpt of Following Moira, in August 2013, but I thought I'd share it again, today, with some added commentary.
Back when this was written, and the cover was created, it was around 2007-2008 - before selfies, online editors, and anti-social media; I thought it was really progressive; artistic; and a commentary on our times, as well as illustrating the stories of my Heart: I had turned the camera on myself, in the styles of Cindy Sherman and Andrea Grant, and I was both the subject and the creator. I'd even sewn the dress, myself.
The internet changed everything; everyone could be a writer.
I decided to publish it with my birthname, because the story is about the transformation of who I was, to who I was becoming, through the fires of Kundalini.
It was after that initiation, that I became known online as Mardi Shakti; Daughter of the Cosmos; Mistress of the Universe. lol
The Alchemical Marriage had taken place within my body, and the fire of the eternal soul had consumed the temporary human personality I was born into. A radiant soul, was I.
It's all in the book, but Alchemical Marriage is really not just "theory", nor something to be understood intellectually.
How can one describe being struck by lightning on the inside, until your person falls off and turns to ash while you giggle, laugh, and cry - all at once?!
I decided to make my book free, because Kundalini is TOO IMPORTANT. No one warned me it was possible! So I had to share my story, and I am so glad I did.
I have made some brilliant, soulful friends over the years, from all over the world, who have been so gracious and grateful for the sharing of my story, as they go through their own awakenings and phenomenal spiritual experiences.
I learned that the knowledge of Kundalini, and the Goddess, had been removed from history, and it was up to us to bring her back! I am so fortunate to have encountered so many Living Goddesses, since; they gave me context in a world where i had none.
I also kept the book as raw, amateur, living, and unedited as possible, because, again, it was a commentary on our times: everyone could be a writer, and raw stories were what the world was hungry for. From fanzines to ebooks, it's still kind of grunge to be unpolished, and creative.
And, since it was written during my Kundalini Awakening, I really wanted to share that transmission, as purely as possible.
I have always been know for being multi-dimensional, so over the years it spread around the world, I was surprised that my book-cover was seen by some as having only one-dimension...!
It was a book about my Heart.
It was commentary on my objectification just by merely living; I was more than just what people saw when they looked at me.
But at the same time, I am embodied in this form. Inside and Outside: Unified.
To further emphasise my increasing objection to objectification, I ended up writing this article for Elephant Journal, as an educational gift for society.
Insides and Outsides.
This was my original accompanying art-piece to the article. The editor completely muted my message with her art-choice, but that's ok; she also suggested I amend my piece to write it in the first-person. I'd originally written it from the dissociated 3rd person pov. I was getting pissed off with guys trying to form some kind of cyber-sexual relationship, when, online, I'm basically a robot - sexless. Sex is in my body.
Excerpt From Following Moira: SUNSET
I even suffer from a slight anger towards orange. I get angry at carrots for being so…orange.
I can only really tolerate it in a very particular shade. One in the triad of my favourite colours – reminiscent of a scene in Maui; where I have never been.
This composition is hot pink, sunset orange, and ultra violet.
I also have other triads of favourite combinations. There is a fluttery, alive, star-gold with radiant turquoise, and rose pink…
And a velvet red, turquoise, and gold.
I think I like turquoise because it seems to be a beautiful blue with a radiant heart of gold. And speaking of turquoise, Let's play a game!
(As I’m sure you can imagine, I actually write a small descriptive paragraph about it: as the more work you put in, the heartier the result. But at your leisure…)
1. What is you favourite colour? Now describe it in two words.
2. What is your favourite animal? Describe it in two.
3. What is your favourite body of water? i.e.: bath, river, lake, teeth brushing water… two words.
4. Imagine you are naked in a white room with no windows, no doors; no way in or out. Describe in two words how you feel.
It’s funner if you do it with others (as always)!
My answers are always changing, and I won’t give you the thesis, but often it’s:
1. turquoise (radiant, electric) or velvet red (warm, alive)
2. flamingo, peacock (both are exotic masterpieces) or tiger (powerful, majestic)
3. bath/shower/waterfall (weightless, warm / hot, unrelenting and / Gravity – there’s this whole thing with the higher river falling into and merging with the one below. The whole process of unification)
I’ll give you the results later. Chances are if they were right here you would read them before playing. No fun.
It has almost 1500 downloads!
The New Moon in Virgo on the 30th August, 2019, is trined by electric-Uranus in Taurus, and awakens the seed of Virgo's Revolution that's been a long time coming.
After surviving the 7-year opposition of Chiron in Pisces, and two-thirds of the opposition from Neptune, anyone still alive will have been working stealthily in the background, and holding on to a deep faith that there is hope for the Earth, and her inhabitants, yet.
Chiron and Neptune have taught us about our vulnerability, mortality, and what it means to surrender to forces beyond our control.
Embodying more of Pisces qualities - thanks to these oppositions - Virgo has been victimised, and these crimes against the Goddess of the World reflect more of a Universal Crisis, than a personal one; it may have been hard to identify at first - thanks to the confusion and fog of Neptune - but when we are vulnerable, we give others the gift of helping us.
The opportunity for Dharma.
When we stop working, others learn to fend for themselves.
When we turn off the Light, others learn to ignite their own.
Retreating allows others the space to level-up.
If people don't take advantage of these opportunities to evolve, we get to witness the chaos of a world without our participation, and thus, get a sense of our actual value in the world.
What's missing? What are we good at? What can we fix? How can we help?
Over the last 7 years, Virgo may have felt abandoned by Spirit Guides, lacking in clarity, purpose, direction, or resources. Virgo may have felt disconnected from their Source of Pure-Love, and literally kicked out of heaven.
All of that has a purpose: to make sure we are ALL really here, and paying attention. That we are all involved; and that no-one gets out of here alive.
To make sure we ALL build heaven here, and rise to be each other's Spirit Guides, clarity, and team-mates - why be subtle when we can draw a precise map, point, or give detailed directions?! Especially helping those who are, now, where we've been, in the past.
Not everyone has to hack their way through a bramble!
Whether we like it or not, all the world really is a stage; and all the men and women, merely players.
No-one knows that better than a Neptunian individual, or someone at the end of a Neptune transit.
For Virgo, The Healer, it may have been hard to be so sick, so vulnerable, and to give-up being in control - trusting professionals with your teeth, your bones, your body, or your psyche, when you know you'd be so much better at it.
There's time - be better at it! Become a psychologist, naturopath, homoeopath, or blended holistic professional of some kind.
Uranus wants you to get paid.
Chiron as a co-ruler of Virgo, is at its best when it's helping others to wholeness - holistic healing is its domain.
Chiron is in it's detriment in Pisces, where invisible wounds and spiritual abandonment are the theme of the season, and where it has been weakening the vitality of Virgo in the world.
Virgo traded the personal for the purging of the Karma of the Universal.
Since Chiron finally left Pisces, it started a whole new 80-year cycle by activating the World-Axis in Aries; the ego, the identity, the men, war, and sex. Immaturity, and new souls. Fighting.
These are the places weeping for wholeness for the next 8 years.
After losing so much from combined Chiron and Neptune transits purging the collective psyche, have you identified what it is that can't be lost?
I haven't. Yet. lol
But that's ok; sometimes, the emptier we are, the more room we have to be filled by Cosmic Downloads, when the time is right; that time is right now.
The New Moon is always a seed. This one at 6 degrees, is strongly programmed by an uninterrupted Beam from Uranus at 6 degrees; especially because the Moon is so receptive.
Virgo - and wherever Virgo is in your charts - receives this.
It's being programmed with Revolutionary New Energy that Uranus brings us from the future; the cosmos, the beyond, akasha, the upper-realms, and higher dimensions. I can't tell you what it brings - only that it's new. It's different. It's rebellious. It will change things.
Uranus transits are always a download, of some kind - that's why they're notoriously difficult to integrate. Squares, Trines, Oppositions, or Conjunctions, all have new news to share.
How good a listener we are, makes all the difference; the New Moon helps us, here.
Taurus Loves gardening, and can be trusted with seeds. Combine the Virgo Goddess of the Grain, and The Taurean Garden of Venus, and this New Moon might herald the awakening of Starseeds' potential, and what they came to manifest in the world.
The harvest is not yet here, but the planting has begun.
Practically speaking, this could mean the vehicles of new technology, or online-work, become more available to Virgos to work with; to help spread the seeds, or perfume, of Virgo's Revolution.
If they've been building strong foundations, plans, and blueprints (thanks to Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn) we could see changes all across the globe around respecting and valuing women's work, healing the planet, and new currents of currency and value - I saw one mystic on twitter, offering free readings for every bag of trash proved collected from a beach; how beautiful is that.
This is an Earth-Heavy Moon-Chart, with nothing in Air Signs; just Jupiter and Chiron in Fire; and only Neptune and the North Node in Water.
Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars all in Virgo, and in a roomy Grand Earth Trine with Saturn, South Node, and Pluto in Capricorn, and Uranus in Taurus.
This seed is being surrounded by the whispers of real, practical, hands-on work for a better shared-future on Earth. All the inner planets are bestowing their Healing Blessings on the seed of Virgo, from their specific domains; mental, emotional, physical - and each one is electrically charged with the new current of change.
Don't forget: all Earth Signs are a team. Unite with your Capricorns, and your Taureans, to share your strengths, and support each other's weaknesses.
Of course, if you have to do everything yourself, then that's just the way it is; Uranus would rather team-work, though.
The Kardashian-Jenners showed us how.
In a Solar Chart (Horoscopes) this New Moon is in the 1st House of all Virgos - buy a new Uniform that represents your Revolution. Look the part.
Uranus will be activating your 9th House of Publishing, Long-Distance Travel, and Journey's of the Mind - write about your New Revolution, philosophy, or your plan for the Future. Connect with people all over the world who are on your level, and inspire the minds of others.
Pluto, Saturn and the South Node want you to get serious about your Radiance; make sure your New Electric Downloads have structure to manifest creatively. Give birth to a new baby jesus.
Make your romances count.
This powerful team are demolishing the history of your Heart, and injecting it with an even greater Universal Love; one that is freer, vaster - more revolutionary and evolutionary.
This could be my year.
This could be the beginning of an amazing "Baker's Dozen" years - and that's because, in Dreamspell, I am a Blue Magnetic Hand.
And, because this year, was the end of a 13 year cycle in the Mayan Calendar and the beginning of a new one; and there were eclipses; and the Blue Hand Wavespell began on the Lion's Gate portal; and, because, I sensed it all.
This year, my Galactic Birthday occurred on the very significant date of 8-8.
And because, I made it to my Far North Queensland Retreat.
I made it.
Despite all the years and effort to get here, I really could not have arrived at a better time, could I?
Believe it or not, I do not live my life by astrology; I study many maps and cycles, from Western to Vedic, to Chinese, to Mayan, and numerology, the Gene-keys - and anything else that comes along.
I wander around, experiencing, and documenting - and I've learned a lot about how out of alignment most people are with their egos in the driver's seat, and I've learned a lot about transits, and synchronicity, and "timing" ~ after all, I wrote a book about the non-stop synchronicity I experienced during my Kundalini Awakening that occurred on Christmas Eve, 2006.
July that year was the start of the last 13 Year Cycle.
So, once again, I find myself at "bookends". Gateways. Two-Pillars. 11's.
(this reference comes from my book).
And that's what Blue Hands, do; they "open doors", they open portals, they write, touch, heal, feel, and craft.
They play instruments, and read cards.
They massage, do reiki, and perform Mudras.
So, I'm keeping a diary of this wavespell, because my Journey from Melbourne to Far North Queensland has been more wild than I could have ever imagined.
I can't even remember when the synchronicity began ~ but I got off the train at Cairns, and my seat-mate had suggested the name of a bus service to take me to Port Douglas - my destination.
The day of the Capricorn Full Moon Lunar Eclipse, I got on that bus, and had a fantastic trip - the driver was telling me he got up early to watch it, so I was already enjoying the conversation.
He was very supportive of my journey with no real goal - commenting that he Loved the idea that I was just going there to "feel it out", and see what happens. I was telling him about some loose goal-ideas, like I wanted to get my boat licence, and my pilot's license (and my driver's license!) while I was here, and the next passengers he picked up were two local fishermen. One of them was wearing a cap with a Helicopter company on it, and in the first lull, I said: "Excuse me, I notice your hat says 'helicopter' - are you a pilot?"
He's like, "Yeah."
I said, "Really?!" - in disbelief. In the kind of awe I always have when the Universe plays with me.
He shyly affirmed, and the bus driver exclaimed: "WHAT?! You're freaking me out - " he explained that I was just talking about becoming a pilot.
For a change, he was the one pointing out the phenomena of synchronicity - not me!
(the fisherman/pilot turned out to be the viral sensation, "idiot of the century", where I was able to get his side of the story vs the medias).
I learned a lot about Port Side, and Starboard; Port is Red, and Left, because Port is Red, and: "is there any port left in the bottle?" Starb'd is Green.
The next synchronicity happened when I got to Port Douglas. I settled in, got my bearings, and decided to go for a walk to get my navigation on. I stopped at the front desk for a chat, and directions.
I lightfooted my path forward, at the pace of my own Heart, and I stopped to cross the road. I looked up the Hill to the Four-Mile Beach lookout; I thought about my seat-mate, Maxine, from the train-ride into Cairns, who had told me she walked up and down those steps, like 2000 times once a week, or something; I was thinking: "Wow"... the heat, the incline... I heard a screech, and someone yell out my name: "Mardi!"
"What? Who the f*ck knows me here," I wondered...
It was Maxine!
Just when I was thinking about her!
That made me smile.
Another day, I was meditating out the front of Coral Beach Lodge, where I was staying. This setting-sun was my favourite location; even though it was by the road. I was chanting, and merging with the Sun - I had come here for the Affection of the Sun, and most places with grass were full of people ~ here, there wasn't much people-traffic, just my Hostel-mates.
I couldn't remember the last time I had nothing between me and the earth, no concrete.
I think it was here, that I caught my breath.
I was completely hypnotised by the Magnetism of the Sun, and I was cycling through my Mantras, becoming the charmed-snake of Kundalini.
I was completely softened in Love, and doing Venus Mantra and Mudras, when I heard a little "beep-beep!", and looked around to see the Bus on which I had first arrived; I figured it must have been my Eclipse-Watching Bus Driver. He was a Libra, so I laughed because I was doing Venus Mantra at the time.
Port Douglas is its own story, but Coral Beach Lodge was all booked out longterm, so I could only a stay a week, when I had wanted to stay a month.
I relocated to a Reef Resort for 3 nights, because I wanted to spend the Day Out of Time completely alone, and contemplate my next moves, and my life.
I really didn't know what I wanted; I learned my Heart was Dead in Port Douglas, and I didn't Love anything, anymore.
Nothing that I used to.
I was dead inside.
I learned I had overshot my Jupiter City, and had landed somewhere between Moon square Chiron - my vulnerability was in the spotlight, where I'd hoped to address that in private, in my FNQ retreat.
We all know I have C-PTSD from 30 years of recurring rape-trauma, right?
May as well keep that in the spotlight, where it can dissolve in the sun.
Thanks to #MeToo, the shame is lessened, and the grief, less private.
Mercury was retrograde, so I wasn't fixed on any plans... I looked for something closer to my Jupiter City line, and eventually found somewhere to stay for a month.
I ordered my bus to collect me from the Resort, and drop me nearest to my new place; they didn't do door-to-door because they ran on a schedule; just pick-up and drop-off points between Cairns and Port Douglas and the Daintree.
It was the day after the Day out of Time - and a brand new WHITE WIZARD world - but I didn't know that, yet.
When the bus came, it was the same Bus Driver I'd had on the way; I asked him if he drove every day, and he was like "no," "just three days." He told me he saw me meditating, and beeped - I replied that I had, indeed, seen the bus, and thought that was him.
He was glad to hear he wasn't driving me to the airport, back home, and that my journey hadn't been a failure. He affirmed that I had done what I said I was going to do - feel it out.
He's right, I thought - I did it.
He was basically the narrator of my journey, better than I!
We talked the whole way, and whenever there was synchronicity, he chuckled; we talked extensively about flamingos, and he mentioned his daughter Loves them, had a bedspread... "Me, too!" I shared. "I have a bedspread my friend got me for my birthday, I have a neon Flamingo lamp... cases..." and then I felt embarrassed that I had so much in common with a ten year old. Haha.
I rolled my internal eyes.
I mentioned the time I tried to watch this Flamingo Documentary, and 10 minutes in, I was in tears... because of what nature does to the baby flamingos... sniff*
He was another "bookend", where I met him at the end of the 13 year cycle, and again, on the other side, at the beginning of a new one. Two-Pillars. 11's. A Portal.
He dropped me off, and I made my way to my retreat.
It was way more amazing than I could have imagined, such a hidden gem...
Hugged by a curving Mountain-Range in the West, beside a rushing river, near a lake!
What writer doesn't Love a Lakehouse Retreat.
I felt like I was in a Stephen King novel.
When I finally lay down after 3 weeks of lugging my luggage across the country, my friend text me a video of a baby flamingo, learning to stand on one leg.
She wrote: "Aww... you're a baby Flamingo learning to stand on one leg!"
I laughed and my body shivered with cosmically High Vibrations, and text her back: "Omg! I have been talking about flamingos ALL DAY!"
"Aww... you're a baby flamingo learning to stand on one-leg!"
And it goes on...!
Another friend flew up to see me and stay for a couple of days; she hired a car, so we drove around and got to achieve some goals - like a hand-towel. Honestly, people who drive have *no idea* how long everything takes on foot; a twenty-minute drive? THREE HOURS WALK.
I am so tired of how slowly my physical world moves. The speed of Light is so fast. Astral Travel is so fast. Walking should be a pleasure, not a chore.
I understand I'm Lucky I can walk.
Things could be slower...
We went to the rainforest to look at a rental. The woman was still living there, and at first, was like: "What are you doing here!" - but she was Lovely, and invited us in to look around.
I am so glad we met her.
She was a psychic, a medium, and a visionary artist, and I knew she'd have the same Moon as me, because we had the same taste in houses, and I could feel Uranus square our Moon; the same vibe, the same changes.
She was a Leo Moon-Twin, one degree from mine.
She gave us a mini-reading each, before we left, and she was so accurate - it totally helped me. She guessed I worked online, and that I needed to leave my past behind. Which was exactly why I'd come. To burn it all in the Sun.
I can't wait to see her, again.
My friend and I drove into Cairns, and were headed for dinner and drinks. My friend said we should contact another friend who was up here; but I thought she'd prefer to be left alone.
We were going up to a Blue Place, but next-door, ground-level, was a Pink Place, we preferred.
We wanted the grounding - not the Vata of heights.
We walked into the pink place, still talking about our friend, and SHE WAS RIGHT THERE! With her Mum. Having dinner and drinks. It was a huge commotion, and I heard the mother say: "I wish someone was that happy to see me."
We had an extremely esoteric and magical evening.
Turns out, my friend's mum was a Leo, and her birthday was the 8-8.
The Lion's Gate Portal.
I laughed in the midst of all, and explained to her, "It's so funny, that I came here to be alone, and I end up surrounded by friends."
Neon-Noir Paradise at the Reef Resort, on the Day Out Of Time. I could only take the photo in pitch-black, or the Palm shadows disappeared; I shared it on Twitter, and clicked "auto-fix" - and *this* happened, and my Jaw-Dropped. I Love Neon, and Noir, and Palm Trees... it's *so* Miami Vice. The Magic of a White Wizard cycle.
ALL OF THIS, EVEN BEFORE THE BLUE MAGNETIC HAND WAVESPELL BEGAN!
Definitely connected to the Lion's Gate Portal, which for me, must have been emanating even since mid-July!
Maybe even earlier... WINGS OF DESIRE was on the tv, right before I left Melbourne. Like, literally hours before.
I'd already had an Angelic send-off, that I'll go into more, in Postcards from Paradise.
On my journey, I've even learned more about some of my past-lives; this time, I'm going to keep them to myself.
8-8 - Blue Magnetic Hand
I sunbaked on the 8/8 Lion's Gate & start of the Blue Magnetic Hand Wavespell.
I don't think I knew it was my Wavespell at that time, but I was absorbing the Sun.
I have been dreaming with the Mountain; with my head sleeping in the North, I can feel the magnetic-pull of North, pulling things from my cells.
I wake up, and feel so safe, and so left alone, and I Love it.
No harassment, yelling, or bother.
Just peace, and a cocoon I can actually feel. Hugged by warmth, and blankets - just what I wanted.
I've been dreaming about old friends; it's weird. Literally years of people and memories being pulled out of me.
I texted my friend's mum a Happy Birthday.
Contemplation of the Day 1: How do I call forth the resonance of my true vibration?
9-8 - Yellow Lunar Star
I went for a walk through "Jade Crescent" on the 2nd Day, it was guarded by dogs, that reminded me of a chorus of Sirius, the Dog Star.
It curved around the mountain, with a slight incline, and people had rainforest in their backyards.
It was so beautiful.
I have to wear sunscreen or burn, though.
I wish I didn't have too; I don't want layers between us.
But I've learned my Icarus lessons.
There was a Beautiful Jade Silence between me and the Setting Sun.
Houses told stories, and the odd child rode by on a bike.
I was meant to see Nick Cave, Warren Ellis, and the MSO with a friend in Melbourne, tonight, but passed my ticket onto my mum; it was a sold-out show, and I'm sure it would have been superb.
They sent me a selfie.
Contemplation of the Day 2: What are my relationships teaching me? What are my Obstacles?
10-8 - Red Electric Moon
I've been working on my website, and branding on Pinterest.
I've been making matching covers for my boards, that remind me of smokey-jazz, and stormy-blue.
I hate Suckerberg, so I have to learn to use the entire internet to reach my people.
I'm glad, that after the infinite possibilities of creativity, I have sort of settled on a design - finally!
My mum wanted some selfies of me with the mountains - but I don't do them, due to my dysmorphia, or because I don't like them; I always look traumatised.
See, here's one I call "Sad Old Dog".
An empath would know.
And I live in that light.
I also don't like to walk around like a tourist, taking pictures; it's really not my thing. I like to be alone and present with the world, and the moment.
Today I wonder if I'm allergic to sunscreen; the sun; or if it's something else - I've had an "adult acne outbreak"; they are really starting to disturb me. Whatever it is can't be normal.
Maybe everyone thinks I'm a teenager because of my troubled, teenage skin.
A few years ago, I got asked for ID at that supermarket - I burst out laughing in her face.
After 5 years of seeing my doctor every two weeks, I'm trying not to need her; I never used to need anyone or anything. Trauma changes that.
Invincible soul, vincible body.
I'm counting on the Sun, and the Sea - although, I haven't communed with the sea, yet, due to CROCODILES.
Contemplation of the Day 3: How does my creativity express my spiritual journey?
11-8 - White Self-Existing Dog
Today I met the young woman who owns this place; she was doing some gardening. She was bright, and friendly, and we joked about how her 2 hour bush walk turned into an 8 hour LOST, and I talked about how I MUST learn to drive.
We talked about crystals, and commiserated on hard-times.
We agree that the area here is beautiful.
Later, Pulp Fiction was on tv, and it's really such a great movie... I feel really conflicted about watching the new one, post-#MeToo. I used to Love that culture ~ but now, I don't want to support men in Hollywood who've hurt women. I know Uma's over it, but I'm not sure I am.
I don't know what I Love, anymore.
I spent the whole trying to share my Journey.
It's so epic, it ended up needing three-parts, and isn't entirely finished, yet - although I did get a lot out.
Contemplation of the Day 4: What form will my Spiritual Journey take?
12-8 - Blue Overtone Monkey
Today a new guest arrived; she's staying in her caravan out the front, though.
The first thing I noticed when I went to the sink and kitchen window, was the brand WINDSOR on her caravan; I laughed, because that's where I'm from.
"What is my home doing here?!"
I went for a walk before the Sun fell behind the mountain.
I try to keep my terror on the backburner; if I ignore it, it might fade in the light. I walked through the reserve, a new journey for me - more dogs, and children flying over dirt-mounds on bikes. It reminded me of when I used to do that, at Windsor Siding, when I was a kid; I enjoyed it. One time, I couldn't make it up a ramp. That hurt.
When I returned, I chatted with the new guest. She was a silver medalist Olympic Diver. And she Loves Mangoes.
Turns out her dad owned my local pool for 30 years; she was from Darwin, but lived in Melbourne a lot.
I told her I laughed when I saw her van, today.
She told me her Mango synchronicity story, and pointed out the mango trees around us - I'd never seen them before, so didn't know what they looked like; they'll fruit in Summer, I think.
She couldn't believe my age, either, and also thought I'd fashioned a silver streak into my hair.
Contemplation of the Day 5: What is my core purpose?
13-8 - Yellow Rhythmic Human
I haven't being sleeping properly, and went through a phase of waking up at *exactly* 1:47pm.
Today is the first day I was able to stay awake *past* then; but not all the way. Hopefully I can sleep tonight, and wake up during the day tomorrow.
I had a 2 or 3 hour nap, and woke up around 6pm.
I've never had a coldsore, before - but I think I got one today. I guess time will tell what it is.
Whatever it is, I treated it with a blend of essential oils and colloidal silver.
My nanna always tried to protect me from them, and I've lived almost 40 years without them. My doctor once said it was more normal to have them, than not; most people have them.
I've always been the *most* Virgo about hygiene; I wipe every utensil and crockery before I use it. It's an automatic habit.
I don't share drinks, and I always used to over-wash my hands.
That's why rape has always sucked, and been so violent, and such a violation.
When I first developed cptsd, I thought I had syphilis; my hair was falling out, and I was going mad. It seemed only logical.
But panic and paranoia are part of ptsd, too. I didn't have syphilis.
It's almost like... the only way to get people to respect your boundaries, is to *be* infected.
Even then, I've known plenty of people who like to take you down with them.
There was *no way* I was able to integrate the possibility of any STD, or being scarred or marked for life. Anything that felt like being branded.
I actually left my body at the thought of it.
Today, I've been thinking about it, again.
With time, and distance, I don't quite leave my body, and today's contemplation about has me thinking about how much I've been invaded by the masculine - simply for being a girl, and a woman.
My personal yin and yang would be more balanced if I could drive. Independence, freedom. Accomplishing much more in less time.
My own Mars is in Cancer - which is not very masculine. In the 8th House, square Pluto. It's a very underworld, underwater-Mars. Which, for a fiery, yang-planet, is not so comfortable.
Feeling scarred, and branded-for-life today, means I'm not feeling very outdoorsy.
I have to wait (yin) until I heal and become strong, before I can get my driving (yang) lessons.
I need to identify what makes me feel like an adult (The Sun Part III).
My old social worker once told me that asking for help when you need it is adult; that it's taking responsibility.
I mean, I've done that in the past, and in the words of Lana Del Rey: "Everybody told me No..."
So I could continue asking, or just write a song about it.
Taking care of health and the body makes me feel adult; but when you can't ever win, it feels futile.
I need to find another feeling.
I made my super-sleep tea, and will take 2 of my lavender chill pills; hopefully that will let me sleep through the night.
Hoarder's was on before the X-Files, and I must say, it's way more horrifying than any scary movie.
Ironically, I've seen Hoarder's maybe just once before, and *this* episode was the *exact same one* I'd seen last time.
I just don't understand it; their spouses and children suffer the most - it's so sad to see it on their faces. One guy couldn't let go, and he was really irritating the daughter - and me - and his wife ended up having a Heart Attack.
I kept wondering in keywords, like, "control", "unrealised dreams", "sickness".
The other couple... the wife was the hoarder. I only saw him later, and there was just *so much sadness* - it had changed his face.
Their kids had been taken off them; the house was that bad.
She went through the process, and ended up with 1,400 boxes in storage.
6 months later, unconvinced, they didn't give back the children, and this couple divorced.
The dad got temporary custody of the son.
It is *so* unhealthy.
I wondered if, in a past-life, they were a collecting, hoarding, storing, cave-dwelling creature, of some kind.
Their habits are not so logical.
I know a hoarder; I knew of three. 2 of them had kept dead pets in the freezer, one bird for 5 Years, one cat for 18.
They cannot have a discussion about it.
They revert to immaturity, and deflection.
Sometimes anger, aggression, violence, in the men.
I wonder if it's a Virgo Moon problem; the inability to be an effective digestive system. Being unable to sort through what is nutritious, and what is waste/junk.
A couple moved into the other room, today; a nice reflection of the energy of the day.
This house is getting full; two caravans out the front, 3 bedrooms inside. 6 of us, and the cat.
6 is the number of the day...!
I have to tell you about the Gecko...
Contemplation of the Day 6: How do I balance the Male and Female energies within myself in order to bring Heaven to Earth?
14-8 - Red Resonant Skywalker
Going for a walk...
On my walk, I thought I should take you with me! But I've never made a video, before.
While I sat at the Lake, I thought I would take you for a walk, next time, and film the Lake for you, instead!
That magnificent tree, at the start, reminded me of Standing in the Light of Full Mystical Power.
The video was in a cloudy moment (my first vid, so wasn't planned; it was actually quite sunny, sometimes. Pretty.)
Contemplation of the Day 7: What can I do to stand in the light of my full mystical power?
15-8 - White Galactic Wizard
Taking pictures and videos, yesterday, I learned my phone memory is full. Last night I started to transfer them all to a cloud - I passed out, confused.
I was going to sunbake, today, or go into the city - but there's no sun, today.
Also, I woke up too early - 5-30am, despite forcing myself not to sleep too early!
So, today is a day of organisation and behind the screens activity; the Moon is Full in Aquarius. It's the 5 year Anniversary of "The Robin William's Moon".
The Moon that nearly killed me, too.
I've almost started to work, again, on the things I was working on, back then.
My mind is churning out the fragments, so I just go with it.
I'm revisiting a book I was trying to write about the effects of sexual abuse.
- it was going to be so thorough, and rich, because I was so sharp, then.
I'm not sure what to expect, now.
Luckily, the #MeToo event occurred, so I feel like I'm not alone with the huge task of rerouting sexual education.
I was also going to write an article about how my old school is closing down - and so it should; these parts of the world need to die.
I think I can just keep writing, sharing, and illuminating; pointing out the magic and the patterns that are High Vibration (Golden Octave) initiations, and tap into them.
I can embody it; we all can - it's a White Wizard Cycle!
For the next 13 Years.
Oh; and I decided to Upgrade my Online Astro Club into the new era, too.
Contemplation Day 8: How do I resonate harmoniously with the new Golden Octave? (the new energy on earth)
16-8 - Blue Solar Eagle
Today has been all about Venus, for some reason.
Perhaps because Venus is conjunct the Leo Sun.
Last night, I fell asleep listening to these Tibetan Healing Mantras.
An interesting thing occurred while I was in the inbetween, I felt the laying on of hands, acupuncture, and other phenomenon; namely, I felt pieces of "seashells" being removed from my back. I didn't understand what it meant, and thought it might be symbolic of shards of etheric calcification being dissolved, or removed, from my aura; a softening.
Today, when I looked at the video, I saw the Symbol of the Healing Mantras on the video looked like a conch shell.
I also thought it might be time to write some articles about Dharma, that I've been meaning to write.
That's very "Shining the Light".
So it looks like, again, writing, sharing, teaching, and illuminating online, is just something that I can do to switch the Light on, in the Kali Yuga.
I think I might make a cup of my Venus Tea, tonight; celebrate alignment, and ritual, and the spotlight on Venus.
(I just looked up the conch shell in Buddhism, and it relates to Dharma; I'd say Dharma is the Light of the Day.)
What; lol - it's 4am, and I'm laughing in bed... BECAUSE:
It's Blue Solar Eagle, today, and last night, a new friend had been posting about the "Bluebird of Happiness".
So I shared the 1940 Shirley Temple Film that I Love.
I didn't think about Blue Eagle, at all.
Then tonight, I watched "The Bluebird"; subconsciously I must have known something.
But then (and it's probably algorithms), on Twitter (home of the Blue Bird!), I saw this post, about poet, Charles Bukowski's 99th Birthday, and they shared his poem: "The Bluebird".
Then it occurred to me, that today was the Blue Solar Eagle day! So I had to share...
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
stay down, do you want to mess
you want to screw up the
you want to blow my book sales in
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
and we sleep together like
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
Contemplation Day 9: How do I shine the light for others?
17-8 - Yellow Planetary Warrior
Well, if it's not yet clear or obvious, the theme of this season is the death of my Heart, and my desire - undoubtedly due to trauma. I can't pretend I enjoy earth. I force myself to find moments; and I am blessed with the Universal Language of Synchronicity that affirms we are all connected.
So why doesn't everybody else know that?
I am also blessed to have friends who do know that.
Today's Synchronicity came when I least expected it; I'm merely the narrator.
I was winding down, and learned that Peter Fonda had died.
Quentin Tarantino has been on SBS, all week, sharing his favourite film picks from the "swingin' 60's", in honour of his new movie, "Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood".
(You might recall I feel torn about watching it in a post-#MeToo world, because of how he treated Uma Thurman, even though it's a cinema-culture I Love. Or Loved.)
I happened to watch Easy Rider, on the 14th.
Then, today - like most days - I've been listening to one of Lana Del Rey's Unreleased tracks: "Angels Forever, Forever Angels".
I always get these lyrics, swooning in my head:
"Is the Sun in your eyes,
Some keywords or themes that stand out, include: Freedom... Driving... Riding... Quentin's film culture... Lana... Hollywood... The Spiritual Revolution of the 60's.
Bukowski and Fonda both having Virgo Moons.
Fonda being a Pisces; and that he says so in Easy Rider.
One of my favourite films with him in it, is Nadja.
An emo-arthouse vampire-flick from the 90's.
At the end of the article about Peter Fonda, they wrote:
"...forever an elegant rebel, happy in the now."
And that is the entire message in Shirley Temple's The Bluebird.
The world wide web connects us all; what do we do with that?
Other conversations today, include the death of creativity in so many people we know due to the forced needs of survival, or escape from reality, and about the corruption of government that we are all prisoners of, and how it won't change until people first accept it as a reality.
We are not free.
All we can do is create inside these man-made lines.
If we colour outside the lines, we literally get imprisoned, or murdered.
People get imprisoned and murdered for no reason, as it is.
Except for the sickness of society and abuses of power.
I Love Creators.
Contemplation Day 10: What does my heart desire to manifest? (in western astrology this day matches your 10th house/MC in your chart. Calling/Life Objective made real)
18-8 - Red Spectral Earth
Today is a day for observing; not leaving the present moment, not "tuning-in" to relationship drama, shopping lists, past or future.
I don't feel like writing, when trying to maintain Zen in Samsara.
Unless we are blessed to be in a Monastery, surrounded by the humourous routine of humanness, and conscious, kindred souls, we are in relationship with Samsara, and its unconscious inhabitants, who are constantly clawing at you - whether figuratively or literally.
Is it possible to stay meditative, Zen, and transcendent when someone is bashing you in the head, raping you, or violating your body or temple in some way?
With the right training, you can become bullet-proof.
I was working diligently on that in my mid-20's, before I was metaphysically destroyed by rape.
And before homelessness; because I don't have a monastery.
But I have become afraid of being too luminous, and standing out to hunters.
Luminous Men are looked to for Guidance; respected, admired, envied.
They are mostly left alone, aside from adoration.
Luminous Women are extinguished.
I'm undecided about whether I want to become bullet-proof, anymore, or not; I'm doing Sun Salutations, and that is enough right now.
Obviously, I have come here to let go of my past and the violence of the world trapped in my body; I'm doing what I can, and I take comfort in Thich Nhat Hanh.
He knows what's going on.
I took a terrible photo of a beautiful moon; my paradise.
Otherwise, I am in a Samsara-fuelled personal crisis; again, ongoing.
I just want to be left alone - and drive.
I'd have liked to be a free-energy engineer, creating super-hot enviro-friendly cars; maybe teleporters, or space-ships.
Pimp My Ride used to be my favourite show.
What I thought was a cold-sore the other day, maybe wasn't - it faded in two days.
I've had my personal belongings in storage since 2011, on and off.
I've been homeless since then, on and off.
I lost my record collection, and various other cultural and artistic artefacts.
Items in storage include movies, art supplies, a sewing machine.
Bed linen, and whatever books I have left.
Maybe some clothes and shoes - but do they even suit me, anymore?
A couple of useful furniture items.
TV, guitar - I lost the piano.
I shared this, today; I haven't read it, because I don't like to revisit these memories, but I wrote it right before I had my breakdown, I think; there's a picture of me, with thinning hair, about to "not make it".
No; everything will not be ok.
But the scenery might get better.
Contemplation Day 11: What do I need to let go of in order to be truly liberated?
(everyone and everything?!)
Expectation, unconscious human relationships - they are bondage.
Fear is realistic; learned. It's a new skill.
19-8 - White Crystal Mirror
HAPPY GALACTIC BIRTHDAY TO TRACEY!
I've entered a Yin phase, after winding down this wavespell.
I know myself, and that makes relationships easy for me; easy to be truthful, and real, and shatter all illusions - but not a lot of people like that!
Only warriors of truth and revolutionaries appreciate it.
From the gecko story, I learned not everyone will say no; you just have to ask 100 times to find one 'yes'.
Contemplation Day 12: How can I utilize my relationships to explore and expand any of my self-limiting constructs? ...and how do I Inspire Co-operation?
20-8 - Blue Cosmic Storm
The summary of this wavespell illuminates my pressing need to drive... it's been a long-overdue need, and I'm not used to 'needing' anything (bar the basics, like air, water, and food).
My key revelation come from opening my body everyday to Sun Salutations, and that keyword is 'OPEN' - the warmth makes it easier.
Open up, again, to the current, but beware of predators, because they are everywhere.
I'd also really like to catch up with Susanna Isabella, the Medium, before I have to return to Melbourne.
It's been a wild ride.
Contemplations Day 13: How do I surrender to the perfection of the larger pattern of my Essence Self?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you celebrated the Mayan Day Out of Time on July 25th, and the Rising of Sirius and the Sun, together, and the beginning of an entirely new 13-YEAR Cycle in the Mayan Calendar:
THE CYCLE OF THE WHITE WIZARD
...and then you celebrated the Lion's Gate Portal, peaking on 8-8, which began the Wavespell of the BLUE MAGNETIC HAND, 2019
And this year, I could sense it...
HAPPY NEW 13 YEARS!
This End-and-Beginning was also dramatically aligned with this season's eclipses, on the Cancer/Capricorn axis.
There's been a rumbling...
This rumbling has been changing the landscapes of our home and work-life, highlighting the relationship between our childhood and adulthood, and whether our insides match our outsides.
These themes vary, depending on:
1) whether they aspected your chart sharply
2) which houses and axis are highlighted
3) how connected or disconnected you are to others, your destiny, or your self
First of all, I'd like to mention, that Once Upon A Time... when the internet first began (well, websites) my favourite website was by a woman named Tracey Gendron,
I followed her for a long time, and she became like a celebrity to me. She was so interesting, and so generous - she brought the Light and the Love before it was hip.
Her vibe was awesome!
She was my go-to source for Mayan Astrology, which I was just learning about.
She had photos, esoterica, recipes, holistic healing and cleanses, wild stories - and astrology!
Her website was a wonderland...
~ Tracey Gendron
So, in around 2009, facebook came along, and at the time, Tracey and I had under 100 friends each; I had no friends on there I didn't actually know in real life, and neither did she.
She had opened a page or a group that connected to her website (a pioneer of 'valuable fb groups'!).
I eventually sent her a message saying I LOVE her website, and I'd Love to be her friend, but that it was cool if she only wanted people she knew on there.
Tracey was very polite, and a bit hesitant, if I remember, rightly, but we became friends, and eventually learned we had a lot in common; even our charts were similar!
We were Twin Leo Moons, and heavy on Virgo and Sagittarius.
And she was CANADIAN!
I always *Love* Canadians.
Both our profiles eventually grew to around 3,000 friends - all Spiritually Enlightened, curious, esoteric, astrologically-inclined beings of Love and Light, from allll over the world... maybe even the Universe!
Our spiritual communities grew and expanded, and many of my global friends felt so grateful to have found others just like them - real magical people, who were different from most of the people in their lives.
I was lucky that I had a few real-life magic friends - some people mentioned that where they were, no-one was like them.
From witches, and wizards, to psychics, empaths, tantrikas, goddesses, gurus, and surprises...
(there were also plenty of posers, charlatans, ego-maniacs, and predators - to be real!)
Gradually, Trolls and darkness (and American politics) began to infect the platform and user experience, so we all really started to take sanctuary in private groups of like-minded others, and fb friend "culling"; the platform made this so difficult to do - instead of seeing a long list of friends at a time, you could only see about six at once! I once tried to create an event to invite people to unfriend me if we were not longer compatible - but then the platform made it so you could only invite 300 people at a time; I got up to about the Letter C.
I've always valued quality friendships over quantity.
And I have no problem with different views and opinions; I find them enriching and challenging, and often - that through intelligent conversations - they can lead to revelations and illumination.
Some real-life friends who read my post-threads, often mentioned that they seemed like a forum for open discussion; they Loved to read them, even without commenting or 'liking'.
As an empath, once Suckerberg began interfering with algorithms, emotional manipulation, and organic synchronicity, I felt the Field of Illumination become infected with something I can't or won't describe.
I closed my computer, immediately, and in April, 2018, I quit using facebook, after using it everyday, for 9 years.
It was like a full-time job, without the pay.
I miss my friends, and communities, but my work with Human Liberation is too important to be censored or interfered with.
Especially in a post-#MeToo society.
Since then, I've grown up, and have created a new online-home for myself by building my own website, and a private, companion-group I call Paradise City.
The internet is an amazing tool, if we can learn to use it effectively - without being censored, silenced, banned, policed, distracted, manipulated, or controlled.
Psychological Warfare has been waged against humanity through the mediums of Hollywood and the media, since it began; social media changes - and can change, direct, and redirect - the cultural narrative, but organised manipulation, through the internet, has deliberately fed the worst qualities of humans, and allowed it to grow - dangerously - into the world.
Native Americans called it Wetiko.
Five months after leaving facebook, I realised it was like leaving a cult - and I should know; I've left one, before!
In the Age of Psychological Warfare, real Soul and Psychic Healers need to unite in power and bring clarity to their communities.
Real, holistic health is needed to heal and unify the fragmented mental, soulful, and sexual selves, and to not be afraid of the darkness in the world, in our pasts, or in our psyches.
We can bring the Sun.
After the #MeToo event, my online work changed.
I felt so vindicated, I can't tell you; I experienced mass soul-retrieval.
I still haven't even finished writing my posts about it!
It was an Illuminated Galactic Centre event.
Before it happened, the prevalence of rape in society had made itself my job to bring awareness to it, until it was no longer acceptable to society, as a whole - and I supported and magnified the voices of every woman I found who was being ignored, or worse - silenced.
Post-#MeToo, everyone has got this.
We've all got this.
We can take turns, we can take breaks, we can work circularly.
So for the first time in a long time, I could take a break.
I could take a journey.
Out of the shadows, and into The Sun.
The Sun - Part II
On my journey, it occurred to me that I'd never been on a journey.
I'd travelled with others, and had some fun times; but that's not what my soul had been craving.
All the details are in my soon-to-be post, "Postcards From Paradise".
I had been trying to go on a Journey to my Astrological "Jupiter City", for a long time.
From Melbourne to Far North Queensland.
I wanted to drive - Roadtrip! Yaaaay... and I wanted to make an "Astrological Roadtrip Documentary" during my last Jupiter Return; which occur every 12 years.
But that didn't happen.
For some reason, I've experienced a lot of trauma; like, a lot. Thirty years of recurring rape, sexual abuse, and harassment, and about 10 years of homelessness. Not to mention the loss and the grief that comes with a long Neptune Transit; losing a lot of important people to heroin, schizophrenia, and other various escapist tendencies.
I felt it was imperative that I leave living in Neptune Rising; which is conjunct my AC.
It will be with me everywhere, just as Jupiter City will, too, since I have that conjunct my MC.
But I wanted to emphasise something else for a change; more Jupiter, less Neptune.
So, FF>> through unrelenting traumas, one after the other; I might start to believe that I am being targeted, in some way...!
I spend my 35th Birthday in a women's shelter, having a nervous-system breakdown or something... and that's really the end of me.
Invincible Soul, Vincible Body.
I end up with C-PTSD; which is layers of PTSD, all tangled together into its own diagnosis.
I never would have shared most of my stories, if it weren't for #MeToo.
Not because I don't want to, but because men tell me to shut up.
Like how, one day, I accidentally learned that my last rapist had made a roadtrip-documentary - and my jaw dropped, as I saw him living my dream. I couldn't help but think: "...that's where my dream went."
And then I cried for two weeks, and binge-watched HEROES while I was house-sitting with two heavy dogs that Loved to squash me. I liked having extra Heartbeats, to keep mine ticking while I didn't have the effort.
(I also just saw that it's the 5 year anniversary of Robin William's death. That means, that at the time of this writing, it is also the 5 year anniversary of my breakdown. I remember it well, as a defining moment of my adult-life. It was a Full Moon in Aquarius, at 18 degrees, which is a very potent-point in my chart; I call it: "multi-ball". I think Jupiter was transiting my Moon in Leo. So it's been 5 Suns since that happened.)
Since that diagnosis, I have had to reconcile what it means to be both Traumatised and Enlightened. This is a big subject, all of its own, but just today I was listening to Guru Rusty and Marianne Williamson in "Under the Skin". Russell Brand had once asked twitter who we wanted him to interview, and among others - like Jim Carrey - I had asked for this.
The Leo Sun and Venus are trine my Sagittarius Neptune and AC, today; so "Good Neptune" is highlighted, for a change...
Much to my delight, there was treasure in there for me, as they discussed being both enlightened and traumatised. Rusty pointed out that after devoting his life to living his truth, every day, he ended up having a Mental Breakdown; so how could he help others, when he's capable of breakdowns, and road-rage, and how - when putting your TRUTH out there - you get attacked, so viciously.
I had a moment of clarity where The Paradox revealed itself to me, again; being a human character, in the story of life, and being your Illumined Soul at the same time.
Ideally we'd like to live in alignment with our humanity and our divinity, but the world is so dark, and unreceptive, it won't let you. It attacks anything "too shiny".
So unless you're living on a mountain, and the tyrants aren't coming for you, you are part of the human family; and all the drama of Samsara that it brings.
This is the Kali Yuga, after all.
Marianne said something about the state of the world we're living in; "These are sobering times...".
She said something like: "If you're not depressed, what are you?!"
~ Krishnamurti ~
Living in a post-#MeToo world is still surreal - we've only just begun to shine a light on the darkest corners of human behaviour; the abuse, the inequality, and the perpetuation of systems that are not in the best interests of the people.
Wasn't I surprised when Jeffery Epstein was arrested.
Wasn't I NOT surprised when he was, no doubt, assassinated, in custody.
Being a Tantric Priestess - or Dakini - tends to mean that my personal problems, are actually world problems; I am not separate from the fate of the world.
I find this, often, particularly with people who have an Outer Planet on their Ascendant, and sometimes, conjunct a Inner Planet.
All tragedy that befalls them, is the cry of the world.
Rape and homelessness are not just personal problems, they are SYSTEMIC PROBLEMS.
I did have a conversation with one of my social workers, once, about how... sometimes, trauma - like a car crash - comes along in someone's life, and "wakes them up" to their purpose.
Changes their whole life, outlook, and reason for being; they stop living small, and selfishly, and start living with meaning and... purpose.
But what if you're already awake, and then trauma comes?
There is nothing to wake up - only to destroy.
I feel like a naive Angel who was pulled down from my perch, and shredded by the claws of an angry mob.
I now see humanity for what it really is.
But Guru Rusty said something else, too, about how he believes in humanity; how most people are nice, and kind, and Loving, and want the best for everyone
Over time, curled up in foetal position, my body has become the reflection of trauma and related illnesses, and in many ways, looks unLoved.
To me, at least.
Feels unLoved, despite all I have tried to do to stay alive.
I need a consistent Sun. A two-year sweat-lodge.
No one sees what I see.
On my journey, so far, I've encountered many people who think, on average, that I'm in my mid-twenties.
I have mixed feelings about that, because it contributes to my dysmorphia.
It makes me feel awkward; like a chameleon, or a liar. I feel underdeveloped, and vulnerable. Immature.
But as well, Dakinis are often shapeshifters; playful and baby-buddha like, intimidating, fierce, and scary. Depends on her mood, I guess... so in that way, my eternal soul is shining through, and I am both Ancient, and Brand New in every moment.
Sagittarius and Gemini are often eternally youthful types, as well.
But another thing, is ageism - what's it all about? Should I be ashamed about ageing, but not appearing to age? Should I be ashamed to appear to be ageing, with time, and Solar Cycles...?
My mum once said that she thought she'd be fine with ageing, but that turning grey felt like you were "fading away as a person".
She always looks so put together.
I woke up one day, when I was 26, with a "Shock-White" streak in my hair, after a trauma, so for years I've had people suggest to me that I could dye it.
Then it came to be "in fashion", and many people commented, Loved it, and often thought I had it done, on purpose.
I think I am indifferent to it; if i dye it, will I feel like a lie? I'll have to keep dying it, once I start... I don't know if I have the energy for that, and most importantly, I don't actually want to be "attractive" - as a multiple rape victim, you learn not to shine too much. You might be hunted. To death.
I'm almost a month away from my next Solar Return, and I'll be 40.
If the Kardashian's can do it, so can I, right?
I've recently found a few white hairs in my eyebrows, and after never having acne, I now have "adult acne" - which no one ever warned me about. I've had PCOS since I was 21; while it comes with its own problems, I think it kept my skin clear. But age, and hormones, changes things that I'm no expert on, yet - going through it all for the first time.
Ageing is a Privilege Denied to Many
I came to Far North Queensland, for the Affection of the Sun.
Affection and Quality Time are my Love Languages.
I know what my body needed - but it was impossible to have.
I need warmth and glitter in the night-air...
Cold keeps the trauma contracted in the cells.
Warmth expands, and dissolves - I hope.
Part of my new routine, up here, as close to the Sun as I can get, is to do "Sun Salutations" Yoga, every day.
I need to bring it in to my body.
The Solar Power.
The Sun - Part III
The Mayan Calendar cycles around 13 Full Moons of 28 days, which leaves one day per year, that is "Out of Time".
That day is July 25th, annually, and known as "The Day Out of Time", when BLUE STAR SIRIUS rises with the Sun.
During this meeting, which lasts about two weeks (July 25/26 - August 12/13), both the Sun and Sirius exchange information about the journey's they've been on since their last meeting; Tantra is in everything: exchange, balance, harmony, cosmic alignment.
"How's the Solar System?!"
"Good... good... still a lot of unconsciousness and destruction, but everyone else is busy. You? How's the Universe?!"
"Well, you won't believe it, but here's the goss..."
And Sirius and the Sun catch up for a cuppa.
Or a two-week rave - wherever your imagination takes you.
If you're sensitive, starseed, indigo, or mystic in anyway, you may sense this meeting - this portal - in such things as enhanced synchronicity, or chance meetings.
These things usually happen when you "step out of time", and become truly present in the moment, and in the world around you.
The DooT is a celebration of Unity Consciousness, where we have the opportunity to realign with the Greater Cosmic Cycles, and the present moment that so many slip out of, into habitual living: work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat... TGIF! Work, sleep, eat... repeat.
The Lion's Gate Portal opens on this DooT, and for a week or two, Earth is flooded with Cosmic Codes and Information, Upgrades, Downloads, and SYNCHRONICITY ON SPEED!
Upgrades and Downloads usually coincide with letting go of the "old" you; places, people, habits...
Strange weather patterns can occur as the eco-system integrates new codes.
There are chance meetings, and messengers, the Company of Goddesses and Priestesses as the Moon Cycles are aligned with the Royal Suns. There is also the opportunity for Realignment with your Cosmic Destiny due to the Portal, and the Courage of the Lion Energy.
Re-evaluate what your Heart wants.
This is a time to tune into your Heart, and then pave a New Path - forward - with your newfound knowledge, courage, and burning desire.
Just intuitively, here are a few things I think you need to know:
The Legend of Starcrash
If nothing else is working, Try Homoeopathy
The Lion's Gate is an *extremely* powerful to time to Make Your Own Medicine!
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Personally, I have always lived outside of time; time is a tricky web that keeps people in the Hamster Wheel of Samsara.
Me? I'm just visiting.
What about you?
~ c/o Shirley MacLaine "Dancing in the Light"
Stay tuned for my next post: The Dire Importance of Sorting Out Your Karmic Baggage
First, the talking stick.
Scroll down to the bullet-points to go directly to care.
Kali Yuga is a crazy time… the dark-age of man. There aren’t many real grown-ups, here, on Earth.
When you need someone to hold-space for you to express yourself safely, you’re usually met with a “what about me!”
In that way, no one is ever heard; you shrink, and the other person becomes repelling.
Or, there’s fighting.
Space is feminine… a woman holds inside her body, *space* for new life. It’s a sharing quality that creation gave to her. In a world that suppresses the Goddess, there is *no space*… every void is filled, and people don’t know how to listen, and just sit with the sounds and the silence of creation.
But the ancient tribes of earth knew what was up…
Soul Retrieval by Sandra Ingerman
Imagine yourself sitting in a circle with members of your community. You have gathered together to support one community member who is suffering from a traumatic experience. You know that if one person is suffering and is ill it effects the entire community. So you have come to help hold the space for healing to happen.
It is dark and the stars are shining bright in the night sky. The air is still. Everyone feels held in the loving arms of the universe and there is no doubt that healing will happen for all gathered here.
So when someone comes along and says: “what about me!”, they are not being a member of the community. They are penetrating the atmosphere of healing with individual ego-force – and their behaviour is leaking childhood-wounds. All over everyone.
Being a female is not divisive; it’s a fact of life.
In tribes, there was women’s business, and men’s business, and each one respected the other; it’s how they got shit done.
You would think that we were evolved enough to utilise the technology we have, to advance our communications – but the human-race is stuck in its infancy; it’s reactive. It imagines intonation in the written-word. It argues with itself, on your posts: commonly known as projection.
You would think that we were evolved enough to mingle women’s business, and men’s business, and that it would help us learn about each other, and respect each other – but that can never happen if people don’t know how to listen.
Not everyone has your life.
Not every girl has brothers, sons, a father, or knows men.
Some people have no family, or have been betrayed by it.
#RoseArmy and #MeToo are working on some world-changing things… that you are a part of.
This movement is about women; woman-led. If women hadn’t spent their lives working for this (without pay), enough to gather in unvanquishable number, in the face of adversity, criticism, attack, and interruption, there would be no *spotlight* for anyone to be heard in, in this moment.
Just like chess; there are rules.
And we are in a patriarchy; everything has to be tactical.
This Goddess-Moment does not want to be your mother. That’s Lilith (currently conjunct Galactic Centre).
She might want to be your Lover, your sister, your friend – she might not. How can she if you act like her child?
If you don’t behave as her equal?
Men can totally share their #MeToos; they are simply joining in, as equals.
I HAV PRAYED ENDLESSLY 2 WITNESS THE TURNING OF THE TIDE, I ONLY WISH MY BF WAS HERE 2 EXPERIENCE IT! BUT IM SURE HES SMILING DOWN! ???❤
— Corey Feldman (@Corey_Feldman) October 17, 2017
1 DAY JUSTICE WILL B SERVED 4 BOTH OF US! GOD WILL SHOW THE LIGHT! THANK U ALL 4 THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS & SUPPORT! IM SO HAPPY PPL R WAKING UP!
— Corey Feldman (@Corey_Feldman) October 17, 2017
Hear that? *So* Happy “ppl r waking up!” Don’t hurt Corey with your low-vibrations.
Anyone saying “what about me!”, or “what about men!”, or “this is a divisive psy-op!”, is behaving like a child.
Let women gather, and get organised.
Support them, or leave them alone. Show some respect.
You, child, come next.
Once women have regained the power that was stolen from them, she won’t forget about you. Her nature is sharing – despite your individual experiences.
This planet belongs to women.
Mother Earth is a mother.
There are mothers around who actually LIVE for the chance to mother someone; bring her a gift, respect her, and invite or ask her to take you under her wing.
Women should respect women’s right to not want to be mothers while they deal with their own pain. They need to stay *focussed*.
Knowing where you fit is the best self-care you can do; same as knowing where you don’t fit.
Rose McGowan has been working on her #RoseArmy for at least two years that I know of.
I’ve been working on sexual education and human liberation my whole life, and have really thrown myself in, in the last 5 years, after my last rape completely destroyed my life. Slaving away. Dying, slowly.
Tarana Burke started a MeToo movement, 10 years ago, that has now joined forces with Alyssa’s latest one. No-one owns the expression: ‘Me, too’. It’s the most universal and unifying concept in human experience: affinity.
The origin story is sad; Tarana was a camp counsellor, and a girl confided in her about her stepfather graphically sexually abusing her, and Tarana stopped her short, sent her to someone else, and couldn’t bring herself to say: “Me too”.
“The look on that girl’s face,” she said, “The shock of being rejected, the pain of opening a wound only to have it abruptly forced closed again — it was all on her face,” she wrote.
That’s what people are doing to one another online; only you don’t get to see the shock on the faces of the ones you hurt with your words.
How can you know what you’ve done.
Since the MeToos, you now know, without a doubt, that the world is no longer on your shoulders: you can take a break, and know that a member of the Rose Army, or a MeToo, will take the nightshift, the dayshift, or the weekend, and you can have rest.
As long as you come back when you’re ready, the spotlight on this stays ON.
Things you’ll need: salt, sage, lavender, rose petals, rose water, water, colloidal gold, superhero art, womb-book, rescue remedy, herbal tea, essential oils, journal, blanket,
* Mass Soul-Retrieval means you are definitely not alone. Take Heart.
* take a walk along the ocean shore
* take a bath with epsom salts, and lavender oil, and rose petals
* even take a footbath
* add some rescue remedy to a bath, or your bottle of water
* sage your space, or make a spray with white sage essential oil and rose water – or any others you like. Being creative brings your power on!
* drink some green tea, or herbal tea at sunset (or whenever)
* make an aura spray with rose water and colloidal gold – add anything you like
* wrap yourself in a light-blanket; over your head, around your ears, across your body, and tuck your feet in, if you want: cocoon
* steam under a towel, over a pot of boiled water; use a drop of eucalyptus oil
* wear your Sunday-best – celebrate!
* drop of rose oil over your Heart
* self-massage any areas you can reach – make a massage oil to remind you of this Mass Soul-Retrieval
* practical thinking: connect with counsellors, astrologers, psychologists, naturopaths, homoeopaths, aromatherapists, doctors, masseurs, yoga classes, the swimming pool, and get your mind.body.spirit aligned.
* Make lists
* Matangi Mudra (or your favourite mudra)
* commit to yourself – anything is possible, now
* connect with other MeToos, and if you have suggestions for where to go from here, get in touch with Rose, Tarana and Alyssa, or just keep an eye on them
* write in a journal – or a blog. Or social media. Wherever you feel like expressing yourself.
* Join my group
* dance, sing, use your voice!
* Yoga Nidra: a gift for the nervous system. I Love this, and you can sample one of my favourites, here.
* if you’re rich, commission an artists rendition of you, as a superhero. I had one made, once, and it was so incredible to see a picture of my soul, compared to what only the camera sees…
Add any more suggestions you can think of, below…! ?